Saturday, September 8, 2012

An old Poem: Surrender I Cannot


Surrender I Cannot [10-11-07]

My eyes are tired, aching
From the many tears I cry;
But You have promised
To wipe away every tear from my eye.

These tears I shed,
Come from a heart overwhelmed;
Overtaken by my state before You:
Powerless to change.

You have faith in me,
When I have none:
Neither in myself, nor You.
I fall among the hopeless.

But then the clouds break,
Your light and warmth dissolve
These walls I’ve built to keep You out,
To gain control I don’t even want.

I long to understand,
To be in command of my life.
But I cannot handle such responsibility,
I was never designed for that liability.

You created me, and all I have,
As an expression of LOVE.
Who am I to change Your masterpiece?
I am nothing but an expression of You!

That in itself gives me worth,
And a beauty I cannot contain.
But this glory is not mine to own,
It belongs to You Alone.

So surrender I cannot,
For I am too weak to kneel.
But fall I must and will,
In awe of Your constant mercies.

Words cannot tell of the times,
Countless, I have hid from You in shame.
But I stand before You now,
As one free of any blame.

By the Blood of Your Son,
A demonstration of LOVE surpassing all,
I am clothed in Your Righteousness,
Capable of one thing alone:

Being transformed by and in You,
Witnessing Your Marvelous work,
In, Around, and Beyond myself,
And responding as You make and move.

I am Yours--
The Work of Your hands.
My identity belongs to no one,
But You alone who shape it.

Only You have washed me,
So I dance with New Life!
I am filled with Your Word,
As You pour it into me.

Pour in Your Words of Life,
That I may overflow.
I then can do Nothing-
But speak TRUTH above and below.

Permeate my life LORD:
No Fear, no Burden, no Shame--
Beyond Your ability, outside Your Grace.
That Glory in me would Sound Your NAME.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Why does it have to hurt so much?

Over the past several years I have written numerous poems at different seasons, with very similar messages along these lines. Several of them relate to a joy or blessing received from Him, but most express the struggle of learning through fellowship in His sufferings. My intent is to post some of these poems in the coming weeks, but for now I want to share what He has been revealing to me over the past few years. I read recently about an individual who asked the question "Why does it have to hurt so much?" Before I get to the writers response to this question, I want to express the reason I have often asked this same question of our Almighty God.

It isn't that I have known the intense physical pain of a severe or chronic illness, nor that I have experienced a great deal of loss. In all honesty I have lived a very comfortable life. Sure, I have felt the sting of a goodbye I was not eager to say; this has made me long all the more for eternity, and I realize this longing is the very reason the sting cuts so deep. The most intense pain I think I've ever experienced though, is the burden for the suffering and sin in this world. Every day I am burdened by the weight of my own sin, and this week the sin and suffering of others I love or at least respect has been heavy on my heart.

In the past 10 years of my life, I have asked God several times to break my heart with what breaks His, and to help me see others through His eyes. If I had known then what I understand now, I'm not sure I would have ever asked Him. This burden is heavy, and I often don't lay it down as I should. However, what He has shown me through the hours of tears, time spent on my knees, and casting these cares on Him is that in this way, I can have fellowship in His Suffering. Does this mean I have fully understood His or anyone's suffering? By no means! I have not yet arrived, but at least in part I am starting to learn what it means to have fellowship in His suffering. Now, I can begin to understand the urgent need of our world for a Savior who rescues sinners.

Here is Elizabeth Elliot's response to that question "Why does it have to hurt so much?": "It hurts because it is suffering, real suffering. It would not be suffering if it did not hurt... None of us likes pain... Let's settle it once and for all: We cannot know Christ and the power of His resurrection without the fellowship of His suffering."

In no particular order, these all speak to the suffering we are called to endure as we walk in His steps: 1 Peter 2, Hebrews 2, Phil. 1:29 and 3:8-14, 2 Tim 2:3

Sunday, May 6, 2012

An Aroma

This past week I have been so encouraged by God's gifts of grace; in particular, the way He uses us despite and even through our great weaknesses.

I find myself easily discouraged by the obstacles there are to sharing our faith in the workplace. Even after being trained at a Christian University, I have constantly wrestled with my greatest longing to share the hope of Christ with the hopeless I see every day. Reading through the book of Acts several times this past week, I have been challenged by the boldness of these early disciples to share their testimonies in the face of great oppression and danger. How can I be more bold for Christ without risking my job and losing one of the greatest opportunities for ministry?

During our middle school youth meetings we have been sharing the weekly prayer calendar from Voice of the Martyrs; we invite the youth to join us in prayers for these persecuted nations. Weekly I am astounded by the faith of the young and old in places where Christians are killed daily for accepting Christ or trying to share the Gospel. This weekend I had the privilege of going to a VOM conference and hearing the testimonies of God's work in those persecuted nations. He is alive and active around the world in miraculous ways! One of the greatest lessons from these testimonies was the mercy of the persecuted toward their persecutors; they still longed for their enemies to know Christ, and they forgave them without question! What or who can I possibly complain about in light of the persecuted church?

One of the speakers talked about the reality and inevitability of the threat to our freedom here in the US. Will we be ready when the day comes that we can no longer freely worship in public settings? Shouldn't the fact that our time is running out motivate us to share the Truth while we still can? Shouldn't it also draw us to our knees in thanksgiving for our freedom and prayer for the courage to use it?

This morning we had a guest pastor at church who shared pieces of his own experiences in some of these persecuted nations. He reminded us of the Truth of 2 Cor 2:15-16, that we are the Aroma of Christ wherever we are! I have been reminded of this fact as I have marveled at the ways God has opened doors for me to touch other people's lives; just this week a young student encouraged me that she wants to be like me in the way I love people-during a week where I have failed miserably at patience and grace in loving others. Every day I have this opportunity, no matter where I am or what I'm doing to be that sweet Aroma and carry the Victory of Christ. What a privilege and a joy-so undeserved!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Why I Love My Job

I had the most amazing patient this past weekend at the hospital. She had spunk, a genuine loving spirit, and we shared a common bond in The family of God. This woman is in her late 70s, fighting cancer, and was recently informed she probably has 3 weeks left to live. I did not want to leave her side!

She reminded me of my grandma in many ways. We shared about our love for our church family and the hope we have in Christ. I told her how my grandma almost passed away two years ago, and that God has a way of bringing us home at just the right time. This woman called me a blessing because of our shared hope, but what I learned from her will stick with me far longer.

I was in awe of her joy, peace and love in the midst of the pain and inevitable days she faced ahead. The fact that she would take the time to hear about my life and what God has been doing was a gift for me... And for once to have the time to share it. This is the one advantage to working nights; occasionally it is quiet enough for quality conversation. I can't get her out of my head! As I said goodbye to her, she asked me to pray for her-showing vulnerability for the first time. I wish I had stopped right there to pray for her... Instead I hurried on my way to meet the next patient, Saying "I will pray" as I left. Do you ever forget to pray when you said you would? I try very hard not to, but I too often fall short.

Lord God Almighty, my prayer for Jan is that you would strengthen her in your grace, love and power as she faces new trials and temptations. Bring other believers into her life to love her and encourage her-giving her what I didn't take the time to. Above all draw her deeper into peaceful rest with you, longing for heaven that nothing on Earth would keep her from reaching, and grant her Your hope and peace to make the transition to her home with You. Let her life continue to be a blessing to others, and thank You so much for bringing us into each other's life at this time.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Happy Belated Bday Grams!!

My Grandma (March 4, 2012)

In life and death, she taught me:
How to endure suffering with Joy,
Perseverance, Love and Grace to Cope.
Always Giving Thanks in Song.
Holding fast to the Precious Hope.

In every memory:
She taught me to love His Word;
As we read the Psalms together;
As we prayed for one another.
Always, always using the Sword.

Writing Poetry in every season,
Never short of inspiration.
Together we wrote so many rhymes,
And shared our own a dozen times.

Did I forget to mention Music?
Her gifts to me will always be,
Remembered with sweet harmony.
For this she taught me every day,
To sing songs of Joy in every way.

I remember:
Trying on so many hats,
Playing with all her cats.
Listening to her ‘skookie-stories.’
And Phase 10 was always fun,
But I’ll never forget the songs Sung,
While Planting flowers in the Sun:

The LORD is my Shepherd, In a Perfect Round.
Harmonies sung to I Love You Lord;
And then there was “Rock O’ My Soul”
So many Truths with Sweet Songs Resound!

I’ll never forget her love for life,
Her family and friends, in Joy and Strife.
But most of all, right from the start,
She taught me in everything,
To Love the LORD with all your Heart.

So my prayer this day will be,
Knowing she is at rest with Thee:
To live a life that echoes her own,
In Love, Joy, and Mercy Shown.