Merry Christmas

You Have the Words of Eternal Life

December 20, 2009
By John Piper

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There is no traditional Christmas story about the birth of Jesus in the Gospel of John. You remember how it begins: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). Instead of putting the Christmas story up front with its explanation, John weaves the story of Christmas and the purpose Christmas through the Gospel.

For example, after saying in John 1:1 that the eternal Word “was God,” John says in 1:14-16, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. . . . And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

Grace: The Dominant Note of Christmas

So the eternal Word of God took on human flesh, and in that way the divine Son of God—who never had an origin, and never came into being, and was God, but was also with God—became man. And in doing this, he made the glory of God visible in a wholly new way. And this divine glory, uniquely manifest in the Son of God, was full of grace and truth. And from that fullness we receive grace upon grace.

That is the meaning of Christmas in John’s Gospel. God the Son, who is God, and who is with God, came to reveal God in a way he had never been revealed before. And in that revelation, the dominant note struck is grace: From the fullness of that revelation of divine glory, we receive grace upon grace.

Christmas Is for Salvation

Or as it says in John 3:16-17, “God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, [that’s Christmas and Good Friday all in one—why?] that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world [Christmas is not for condemnation], but in order that the world might be saved through him [Christmas is for salvation].”

And at the end of his life, Jesus was standing before Pilate, and Pilate said to him, “So you are a king?” And Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world [this is the purpose of Christmas—what is it?]—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice” (John 18:37).

A New and Unique Witness to the Truth

What was the effect of the truth that Jesus witnessed to with his words and his whole person? He told us in John 8:31­-32, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” So the meaning of Christmas is this: The Son of God came into the world to bear witness to the truth in a way that it had never been witnessed to before.

He is the way the truth and the life (John 14:6). And the aim of giving himself as the truth to the world is freedom. You will know the truth and the truth will make you free. Free from the guilt and power of sin. Free from deadness and blindness and judgment.

He Came to Die

How does that liberation happen? You may recall from John 6 that in coming down from heaven, Jesus is planning to die. He came to die. He came to live a perfect, sinless life of self-giving, and then die for sinners. John 6:51: “I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, so that he could give his flesh for the life of the world. We sinners can receive grace upon grace from his fullness because he came to die for us. Christmas was from the beginning a preparation for Good Friday.

The Gospel: The Great Meaning of Christmas

So throughout the Gospel of John the meaning of Christmas becomes clear. The Word became flesh. He revealed the glory of God as never before. He died according to his own plan. Because of his death in our place, he is bread for us. He is the source of forgiveness and righteousness and life. This is the great meaning of Christmas in the Gospel of John.

And what I want to do today is to return to John 6 and pick up two verses that we passed over too quickly—verses that have everything to do with how this purpose of God in Christmas can become the source of your life, your forgiveness, your righteousness, your freedom.

The Life-Giving Words of Jesus

The two verses are John 6:63 and 68. The link between them is that both refer to the words of Jesus as life-giving. Verse 63: “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.”

Then, after “many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him,”

Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:67-69)

Jesus Offers Life Right Now

So in verse 63, Jesus himself says, “The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” And in verse 68, Peter says, “You have the words of eternal life.” This is what I want us to think about—these two statements and how they relate to the Word made flesh, and to the giving of his flesh that the world may be saved, and to the Spirit that gives life.

I want you to know how Jesus offers you life right now, and how the incarnation of Christ and the death of Christ and the words of Christ and the Spirit of God all work together for your salvation, your forgiveness of sins, your eternal life.

Confusion, Even Terror, over the Sovereignty of God

Let’s start with verse 68. There is something very realistic and very relevant in this verse. Jesus had just said something that caused many disciples to leave him. He had said in verse 65, “No one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” Then verse 66 adds, “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.”

When the sovereignty of God over dead sinners coming to Jesus is affirmed this clearly, a crisis is created. Objections begin to rise up in our minds, and for many of us there has come a season of great confusion and sometimes terror. And what we get a glimpse of in verse 68 is part of what goes on inside the head of those who don’t leave Jesus because of these problems. How do some people work through the sovereignty of God in the salvation of sinners?

Considering Where Else to Turn

Jesus says, in verse 67, “Do you want to go away as well?” And Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?” In that simple question, Peter is saying, We’ve considered it. We’ve allowed ourselves to ponder what it might like to turn away from you. This is very relevant for some of you. This is the terror that I referred to. Some of you who find believing easy won’t know what I am talking about. But others will. And I want to help you.

Peter said implicitly, Lord, wherever we look for another Lord, another way, another friend, another philosophy, another view of God, another salvation, another meaning, they all come up short. We can’t walk away. You have the words of life.

“Lord, Where Shall We Go?”

If Peter were alive today, here’s the way his process of thought might have gone. Lord, where shall we go?

To Those Who Deny God’s Sovereignty?

Shall we go to those who deny your full sovereignty and who leave it decisively with sinners to raise themselves from the dead and give themselves spiritual life and become the decisive creators of their own faith, and provide the decisive impetus to come to Christ? As many as find this attractive, Peter says, No, whatever problems I have following a sovereign Christ, this alternative is hopeless. I know my own heart. If God were not decisive with me, I would not have come.

To whom then shall we go?

To Those Who Deny the Power of Sin?

Shall we go to those who deny that sin is such an enslaving, blinding power? Those who say that it may be a bad influence, but it’s not bondage. It’s not like slavery or death. We are tainted, but we are not helpless. Shall we go to them? No, Peter says, that is an unrealistic and naïve view of human nature. We know from our own souls and from universal experience, we human beings do not and will not submit to God on our own. Sin is bondage, not just bad influence.

To whom then shall we go?

To Those Who Say Sin Is Not Serious?

Shall we go to those who say that sin not so serious a problem because God is all merciful and he will, in the end, forgive everyone, and there is no wrath and no final judgment on any person? Shall we go find our place in that rosy world? No, Peter says, because as pleasant as it sounds it is the creation of sentimentality, not reality. In reality, there are horrific evils that must be set right. The outrages of history—including my own—cannot be swept under the rug of the universe. Mere forgiveness without the brokenhearted embrace of some kind of massive atonement will not satisfy my conscience or the justice of God.

To whom then shall we go?

To Those Who Deny God Exists?

Shall we go those who deny that God exists? Would that be a satisfying escape from the problems of God’s sovereignty? No, Peter says, because if there is no God, and human beings are mere accidental and complex collections of matter and energy, then my very indignation at the evil in the world is reduced to a mere chemical reaction and loses all its meaning. And the one thing that was giving me energy and opposition to the sovereignty of God, namely, my moral indignation with the injustice of it all, turns out to be mere chemicals in my brain not significantly different than the growling of my stomach.

To whom then shall we go?

And the List Goes On…

And the list of alternatives to Jesus goes on and on. Some of you are in that position as I speak. You are deeply troubled by what you see in the Bible. And so you are asking: Can I go somewhere else? Is there another view of sin? Another view of God? Another view of salvation? Is there a place to go to rescue me from the sovereignty of God in verse 65?

No One Life Jesus

And for many of us, what keeps us from going to any of these is the same thing that kept Peter. Verse 68: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” In other words, we may not have all the problems solved—the problems of following Jesus and saying yes to his teaching and his Lordship and his saving work. He may confuse us at times, and baffle us with things he says, and provoke us, and offend us.

And yet, we say with Peter, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” No one ever spoke like you. No one every acted like you. No was ever so strong and meek, so tough and tender, so authoritative and gentle, so profound and simple, so powerful and so willing to be killed, so just and so willing to be treated unjustly, so worthy of honor and so willing to be dishonored, so deserving of immediate obedience and so patient with people like us, so able to answer every question and so willing to remain silent under abuse, so capable of coming down from the cross in flaming judgment, and so committed not to use that power.

Come Back, Like the Prodigal Son

Where shall we go? There has never been anyone like you, Jesus. No one ever taught like you teach. No one ever loved like you love.

This is how thousands of people come to Christ. Not without tremendous struggles as they look around for a philosophy of life, a god, a world without God, a world without the sovereignty of God, a world with some kind of explanation that makes more sense of more things. And they come back, like the prodigal son, and say, “Where shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

The Spirit Gives Life

And how do they come back? How do you come to that point? How do you come to the decisive point of laying it down? I’m done wandering. I’m not going to fight against Jesus any more. I surrender. I don’t have all the problems solved but I have seen enough of Jesus. I have seen enough of his Christmas purpose and his Good Friday love and his Easter sovereignty. I have seen enough. I will not sit on this fence any longer looking frantically for another God. Another worldview. Another philosophy of life. A better Savior. A better Lord. A better Treasure. A better friend. No, Jesus, I’m done looking for another world. Another Master. I’m yours.

How does that happen? The key is in verse 63: “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” Notice the connection between the Spirit of God and the words of Jesus. “The Spirit gives life; my words are spirit and life.”

Through the Gospel

I take that to mean that what brings you to a final decisive commitment to Jesus—“I’m not looking anymore for another life, another world, another Savior. Jesus, I’m here. I’m yours”—what brings you to this place is the Spirit of God. And the instrument that he uses is the words of Jesus. “The Spirit gives life. My words are spirit and life.” My words give life to your spirit which was dead and unable to come. They do this by displaying myself and my work in Christmas and on the cross. And the Spirit works through my words illumining your mind and your heart so that you see me as more precious than anything else in the world.

That’s why you say, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). You have seen the glory of the only Son from the Father full of grace and truth. You have seen the glory of his birth, and the glory of his death for your sins. And you have received grace upon grace. You are spiritually alive. And you believe! It was the Spirit that gave you this life. And Jesus will keep you. You will not go away from him. And he will not go away from you. That is what it means to have eternal life. And a very merry Christmas.

from: http://www.desiringgod.org/12all/index.php?action=archive&mode=view&mi=497&nl=&ei=

My unforgettable night...

II Corinthians 12:8-11

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Today I want to share with you all a recent day in which my weaknesses and failures became very real to me. At the close of this day, I wanted nothing but to forget what I had done wrong, forget the negative comments from co-workers, and forget this day had ever occurred. God wouldn’t let me forget it, but He also wasn’t going to let me dwell in shame and loss; no, He turned my mistakes and sorrows into one of the best lessons I’ve learned, for my career and for my life.

This past week I had a patient who presented with symptoms of a stroke, that had been taken for over-sedation on the shift before me, and continued to be interpreted as such through most of my shift. Throughout the night she persisted in her drowsiness, slurred speech, and mild weakness, and at 5am it was even more apparent that she was more confused, pupils not equally reactive to light, left-sided weakness--all the symptoms of a stroke. I was not present at this assessment, as I was with another patient, but whatever the charge nurse saw at this time that was not seen at midnight convinced her to call our rapid response team to assess her. When they arrived they asked me to call a “code stroke,” which would bring the stroke team in the hospital to assess my patient. In the stream of events that followed, I could not count the number of times I pushed fear and loss of control aside, just praying for the confidence and understanding to intervene on behalf of this patient, and wishing I had done it much sooner.

In those last 2 hours of my day at work, I called on many of my co-workers to help me finish care for other patients, continuing to push aside the doubts in my own care for this patient, and wishing I had done or could do more. As I received feedback from co-workers, they continued to say that I should have called, regardless of what my charge nurse had advised; I should have followed my gut instinct. The most discouraging reprimand came from the nurse I gave report to that morning, when three of the nurses in unison recited “it doesn’t matter” in response to what my charge had told me – I still should have called. The nurse taking over care of my patient gave me a short, pointed lecture about the consequences of not calling when we first questioned the patients' stability-even if it was just over-sedation. All of this to say, the tears I had been fighting all morning as I tried to keep myself together to give report to the necessary people and relay the events of the morning in my documentation, came pouring out in that moment.

Praise the Lord for my floor manager, day charge nurses, and other staff present- they offered me great reassurance in the face of insults and discouraging words. They reassured me that I had responded to what I’d observed, and done what I knew to do-get a second opinion from my charge, someone with more experience than I had-who would not over-react as I easily do. And we had caught it in time, we did make the call, maybe later than we should, but we did. They encouraged me that I give excellent care to my patients, and that I’m a great nurse… but for some reason, I could barely hear those voices over the one that tore me to pieces.

I have often recognized how our human minds and egos can hear encouragement from many sources and be edified by those whose opinions really do matter most, but one destructive comment or negative opinion can make the wall of positive feedback crumble, and all you have left is shame and regret. The next 24 hrs I spent fighting those words and the constant urge to turn over the events of the night in my head. I wondered if things would have been different if I’d called sooner, and questioned if I have what it takes to handle situations that nurses are faced with every day-situations like this.

Two verses gave me comfort in those 24 hours, one is already on this page-Is. 62, a prayer for “Zion” – I just had to replace Zion with my patient’s name. Entrusting her life and recovery from the stroke to Him-remembering that I could not have prevented her stroke, or stopped it from happening. Secondly, the next day, I read the verse I placed at the beginning of this post – hearing above all else “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” That’s when I realized I’d been listening to the wrong voices. Later that day I met with a close friend and mentor, a fellow nurse who knew of the situation and offered practical and spiritual guidance, and emotional support. She encouraged me again, “listen to the truth.”

So much I have learned through my weakness, so much that I want to boast in it-because His grace and power are made known in my weakness. This patient’s life will be changed permanently-a stroke is a devastating injury to the body; but it was unpreventable. This event was not in my power to prevent, it was only in my power to call other to its attention. God gave me that opportunity, and gave me an experience I will never forget, and handle better in the future. He gave me an opportunity to learn how to listen to His voice of Truth above the noise of other opinions. He has given me strength and encouragement to want to be a better nurse, a better servant to my patients and co-workers. He has made nursing a ministry, and though at times this makes it harder to face situations where patients suffer as this one has, we have a sovereign God who holds us all in His hands through the recovery process.

Be encouraged today that you have the ability to encourage and build people up, or tear them down. Don’t ever hesitate to give encouragement to another-chances are they need another voice to speak above the enemy’s discouragement. Acknowledge that your weaknesses are divine opportunities for God’s power to be made manifest in your life. He gives us everything we lack. He does not want us to dwell in shame, but to fall before Him in surrender, receive His grace, and stand again in His power and for His glory. What privilege we have to stand for Him! All Glory to Him who calls foolish sinners to display His mighty power and draw a broken people to Himself. And Always, Always Listen to the Truth.

Micah 7:7-9, 18-29, NLT
7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.
I wait confidently for God to save me,
and my God will certainly hear me.
8 Do not gloat over me, my enemies!
For though I fall, I will rise again.
Though I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be my light.
9 I will be patient as the Lord punishes me,
for I have sinned against him.
But after that, he will take up my case
and give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies.
The Lord will bring me into the light,
and I will see his righteousness…
18 Where is another God like you,
who pardons the guilt of the remnant,
overlooking the sins of his special people?
You will not stay angry with your people forever,
because you delight in showing unfailing love.
19 Once again you will have compassion on us.
You will trample our sins under your feet
and throw them into the depths of the ocean!
20 You will show us your faithfulness and unfailing love
as you promised to our ancestors Abraham and Jacob long ago.

Human Trafficking in India... please read this article

My heart aches for these teenage girls. Read the article and view pictures from a former TWU student who has seen first-hand and describes some of the sights that are still so vivid in my mind from just spending 4 weeks in India just over a year ago. I was never anywhere near this city, nor did I see the places where these events were taking place; even so, as I read this reflecting on my experience, I have to wonder if some of the faces I came across had ever shared the experiences of these girls. The pictures the writer and photographer displays and depicts in his writing are so familiar, the sights, sounds and colors, even the rat-all a distant memory that stirs up emotions and longing in my heart for the Indian nation.

Praise the Lord for His work in the lives of these young women! Pray with me for continued healing and redemption for these girls as they deal with the aftermath and long-term consequences of what has been done to them. LORD, if it pleases You, send me! see http://www.twu.ca/sites/magazine/no-17/features/default.html. If you have trouble finding the article, it is titled BOMBAY TRAFFIC.

अ शोर्ट update

Somehow I managed to select the choice of typing in Hindi-didn't even know that was possible, but given how much I'd love to learn those characters, I think it's pretty neat that I could! So the title of this blog is, "अ शोर्ट अपडेट" or "a short update."
For those of you following this from far away, just a note to say what I've been up to. I work regularly 32 hrs/week at Sacred Heart Medical Center here in Spokane as a nurse. God has brought me through a lot to stay in this place, and I am truly grateful for the job He has provided for me at this time, and all that He is teaching me through this-patience, patience, patience, a few skills, and more patience. I work on a gynecology/urology floor, so the things I see and do on a daily basis are typically those that wouldn't come up in your average dinner conversations-unless of course you are in the medical field yourself. It is amazing the things you become comfortable talking about during nursing school, and even more so now that what I was learning then has become a part of my every-day life at work.

On a weekly basis I see a lot of woman come through the unit after a hysterectomy or other surgery in the lower organ systems of the body, a few men with surgeries unique to them, and some random other medical patients we admit from the ER on nights [eg, cellulitis and other odd skin rashes/manifestations, sepsis (infection that gets into the blood), UTIs, injuries from falls, MVA/MBA, meningitis, and a lot of confused elderly) . Adjusting to a night schedule has certainly been one of the biggest challenges for me. It is hard not to get depressed when you sleep through the beautiful long summer days, and have to go to work just as all your friends and family are gathering to enjoy the summer evening before they head to bed. It certainly takes a toll on your body, and not just physically.

I could go into all the research about how working nights really affects your long-term physical, mental and emotional health, but will spare you all the boredom and complaining. So, what else have I been doing?
On my days off I try hard to switch back and forth, so that I can enjoy the long summer days, go out for a geocaching adventure with my family, spend some time at the River where my grandparents live, and spend time with yet another of my closest friends about to begin the journey of marriage with her fiance and then move to Colorado! Every summer I question if I could handle one more wedding, and every year God brings at least one more. Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful and splendid celebrations to enjoy, especially when two people are truly commited to the Lord and one another by His strength. All the same, it makes growing up feel that much more a reality, and goodbyes that much more frequent.

Other than work and play, I have been blessed to participate in worship ministry with my church, and help with our summer chidren's programs. I've enjoyed fellowship more and learned its importance as I've struggled with the loneliness of working nights while the rest of the world sleeps, and transitioning to life back in this town of many past memories. God has opened doors for me at work with my patients and co-workers, for me to represent Him; sometimes, I do this well, and it seems more often, I find myself getting caught up in the complaining and disatisfaction of the sacrifice our patients don't often appreciate. My co-workers will tell me that to survive as a nurse you have to complain about your patients to each other and let your team members carry some of the burden with you, and I guess I see some truth in that. Still, I'd love to carry the same passion and will to serve to every patient I have, faithfully and fully; and I cannot do that apart from the grace and power of Christ-no matter how hard I try.

My heart for India and the lost souls there continues to grow and come back to me in my prayers, a humbling reminder of how thankful I could be. I'm still praying towards following God to new experiences where He might train and equip me for ministry there or elsewhere, and ultimately that I would desire to make Him known wherever I am and in whatever I'm doing. Strange how it seems easier and more natural to be on fire for Him in a country where He's more readily appreciated and received because a need is recognized; while in the country that perhaps needs Him most, people blindly live in pursuit of wealth and fame, comfort and luxuries on earth, rejecting Him or just not recognizing what freedom He holds for them. It's easier because people in a place like India are looking for a Savior, while people in the USA don't think they need one. Oh what a sad and terrible lie the enemy has grown!

Come and Listen (Blog Description)

I've thought for some time that I should explain my Blog's description, seeing as it could come across very... well, arrogant.
This chapter of scripture is one of my favorites (Is. 55), and has become such through a series of events in the past year. My first memory of hearing it began in a morning chapel at Trinity-where I graduated this past December with my Nursing degree. That same year, I was asked to help organize a couple of our Sunday Night Alive Worship meetings. When it came time for me to lead one week's SNA, I was reminded of the significance and relevance of this passage in Isaiah to our gatherings as a body of believers. Many times in that past month I had come before God broken and humbled, so in need of His grace, and He would gently remind me that He is always ready to receive me-no matter where I've been.

When that Sunday evening came, I prayed that God would welcome each individual into our meeting to realize that they don't have to fight to succeed and be "good enough," but that they can come into His presence just as they are, and all because of Christ. As a university student at a private liberal arts school, and in the highly competitive nursing program, I constantly felt pressure to do my best to achieve in academics and everything, as to honor God. I had many conversations with others who felt pressure to please. So many times, I fall to my knees under this pressure, as God reminds me that I place this pressure on myself, and that He expected so much less of me, again because of Christ. He's just waiting for me to come to Him, not to finish my list of achievements first, or present myself clean-He makes me clean when I come.

That night I asked other students in the room to come forward and share their own stories of God's work in their lives, so that others could come and listen. Then I shared my own reflection on what "come and listen" meant for me. We introduced the song "Come and Listen" by the David Crowder band. This song repeats these words: "Come and Listen, Come and Listen to what He has done." I wanted that night to be an opportunity for us as a body of believers to come together and share what He was doing, and to listen to what He was doing in our brother's and sister's lives. In our individualistic culture we can get so caught up in ourselves, our goals, and becoming who we believe we want to be, or our parents, our boss, our teachers, or God wants us to be. We forget that God calls us to come as we are, to come thirsty, to come weary and heavy laden, come while He is still holding His arms wide open, to come and listen to food that satisfies, and that it is FREE!!!! (Read the rest of Isaiah 55 to understand more of this)

So, as I began to think of what I wanted to share in this site, I thought this verse was perfect. I want others to come and see the work of Christ in me, not just here, but in all of my life. I want them to believe that they can come to God with anything, from any place, and trust Him to satisfy. HE WILL SATISFY, with Himself. I pray that others, and I myself, would learn to stop wasting our energy and resources on what does not satisfy, and turn to our free gift in Him, who does. I want my friends, family, and strangers to be able to come and share their life with me, believing that I will not turn them away because I'm too busy or don't approve of their lifestyle. I want them to see this attribute of Christ in me. I hope that God's word will always be the place you come to for its all-satisfying content, no matter where you are coming from, or what you believe you have to offer. I also pray that anything I share here will be reflection of God's message-fruitful and edifying to your soul, as we come and hear of God's work together. I'll leave you with these lines from the song, that reflect Isaiah 55's call to come and listen to all that He has done and will yet do to satisfy.

Come and Listen, by David Crowder Band:

"Come and Listen,
Come to the Water's edge all you, who know and fear the Lord.
Come and Listen,
Come to the Water's edge all you, who are thirsty come.

Let me tell you what He, has done for me.
Let me tell you what He, has done for me.
He has done fo you,
What He has done for us.

Come and Listen,
Come and Listen to what He has done.
Come and Listen,
Come and Listen to what He has done.

Praise Our God, for He is Good.
Praise Our God, for He is Good."

Nursing Grad Class '09

nursingGradClass'09-goofy-13
Originally uploaded by Psych_Nurse_Nikki

My Crazy Nursing Class on the Beautiful Fall Campus

PRAY FOR THE INDIANS IN ORISSA

I often get updates from the nurse I worked with in India last summer. It is always a joy to hear from her, but also a sorrow to hear of the trials she and her co-workers, friends, and our fellow brothers and sisters are enduring there. The strange thing is that it doesn't make me thankful I am here in the safety and security, but rather increases my desire to return to serve the people that blessed me so last summer. Please pray for our Christians brother and sisters, and their enemies. Please pray that God would protect them and humble their enemies. Pray that He would send me back some day soon, in the company of others. Please read that link on my page to a Desiring God article that shares an update on the circumstances in Orissa, India. Thank you!

One step forward...

"Two steps, somewhere else." Lately I feel like I'm moving forward, with no real understanding of where I'll end up. Granted, this has been the theme of my life, but at least I always thought I knew where I was going. Now, I have no idea. I returned two weeks ago to Langley, BC for my Universty Graduation Ceremony-where I actually graduated from my program four months ago. As I reconnected with my friends and fellow class-mates, I recalled the fear I felt as I stepped out of my student-role into my professional role-something I'm only beginning to grasp now. I witness all around me the fear and excitement of meeting those long-held dreams fulfilled! And then I realized how far I still have to go. I have many dreams and goals, but stepping forward lately has seemed to move further from those dreams, and towards an unknown world of medicine that terrifies and overwhelms, that I feel completely unprepared and unfit for.

The frustrating thing is that at a very young age, and unusually young age, I knew what I wanted to do with me life: ministry, specifically overseas, and so I've pursued that ever since. But somehow I feel that now, I've been deterred-and it's so frustrating! Even within the field of nursing, I found something that fit so perfectly, where I was fulfilled within, and blessing others for the sake of Christ; yet since I've graduated, I have left that direction to pursue another in hopes that it will prepare me for what's ahead-though I often do not see how.

I hate fruitless travel-I loathe doing anything without purpose... truly. Even relaxation or recreation has purpose-to rest my mind and restore it for the next step forward, the next day. Or a night's rest to process the days findings. The sad thing is how often I find myself distracted into laziness or empty fruitless pursuits-that's when I feel most ashamed and depressed.

Still, lately I feel as though I'm walking down the wrong path, into a hole I can't turn back from. In this case, in an entirely different direction from my dreams, and all that I thought I was. Loyalty is a quality I prize-in other people and myself. Yet now, it seems my loyalty to a hospital and new employers and employees, I fear I'll never be able to leave them to pursue what I've always worked for and believed in. I'm so afraid of giving up my dream of returning to India, settling for something less out of loyalty to the world. I'm scared that if I keep traveling down this road, I won't turn back or move in the direction I want to. I will never live my dreams of working with you in the depths of emotional and spiritual loss, of opening my home to them, and returning to the country that has been on my heart almost half of my life: INDIA.

Praise the LORD that He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). So often I have wondered at where my decisions will lead me and what ministry God has in store next... and everywhere I've gone, I've found purpose in my life, a place and people to minister to and with. Praise Him that He will keep my path straight, bringing my feet back to the place they stand firm, moving forward before Him-my ultimate end. Praise Him that only in Him do I find my joy, and in so doing, give Him the ultimate glory. John Piper has said, "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him." Oh Lord, make me satisfied in You, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, that You would be most glorified in me! I'm so thankful for this promise: "And I am sure that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again" (Phil. 1:6). And so I will continue in the journey, fighting hard for the Truth I am convicted of daily, hoping and trusting in Him who will never leave, nor forsake us. Whether I have nothing, or plenty, whether I fade into the collage of medicine that consumes me every day, or move forward to minister to the needs of those God so often brings to mind; whether I remain in Spokane my whole life, return to Langley, or move half-way across the world to serve in the villages of India, I know my life is in His hands and for His Glory... and that is all I need to believe and know.

May You find peace in knowing His plans for you are good, and joy in knowing His grace will sustain you, His love dwell within and around you, and His power be ever perfect in your weakness.

A Weak Week....

Between Orientation, spring break for my parents, and sending off my best friend happily wed, I have had plenty tests of patience and prioritizing-my results: FAIL.

I've experienced more anger this past week than I have in well over a year. It has been a while since I've gotten so caught up in doing and being, that I have ignored the one who never leaves, and always satisfies-JESUS. Tonight, I realize how clearly my sinking depression this evening is reflective of my own neglect of the One of Love of my life, the Lover of my Soul. The only who will never leave, and never fail me, is the one I continually hide from, make excuses to avoid, and complain when He removes the blessings He's placed in front of me-only to remind me of Him.

Don't get me wrong, their have been bright and beautiful moments throughout the past week: for instance, God bringing two of my dear friends safely into town for the wedding, finally beginning orientation at the hospital just as it initiated a Hiring freeze, and watching two dearly loved friends become one in and for Christ. So, tell me, what in all this would lead me to express anger and sadness, loss and confusion? The latter are reasons to praise and exalt my King, for demonstrating His love and grace to me daily; but I was caught up in all the tasks involved, and looking at what is hardest in this situation, rather than acknowledging Who HE is in the midst of it all, who He has always been, and always will be.

A couple weeks ago we had a conversation in a small bible study about what to do when we don't "feel" like worshiping. This seems relevant now-as it seems that it was my feelings about all that I needed to get done, and my laziness to reserve time with just Him, remembering who He is in it all, just because I didn't feel like I could make time for Him, that I went through this week without reading my bible at all. It didn't mean that I didn't pray, or that I never meditated on God's word, but I knew I needed more, and yet continually ignored Him in a time where I was depending on His grace and truth more than ever.

Tonight, I finally stopped and said okay, God, You're right, I need to actually stop and listen, instead of filling my mind with other things to distract myself from all that I'm thinking and feeling. I need to face both, by offering them to You, seeking Your forgiveness for how I've treated You, and spending time praising and reflecting on Your blessings. After this, I found that the reasons to praise Him far out-weighed those to be angry, and that I only had myself to blame for how I felt-no one else, and nothing that different circumstances could truly have changed. So here I am, reminded again of who God is and has been in the midst of it all-when I've ignored Him, He's remained faithful, brought me through yet another overwhelming set of steps toward what He has in store, all for His glory. And because it is all for His glory, and Who He is remains the same no matter how I feel, or where my thoughts wander, because of this Truth... I can always lift my hands to worship Him, for He is always Worthy of my praise. He doesn't need me to be worthy when I come-He makes me worthy, and in grace and love, He gently reminds me of who I was, who I am, and who He's called me to be.

Patience

I wrote the following while patiently sitting in the hospital with my grandma today.

The other day, while sitting in the Emergency room with my grandma Harriet, she came to the following conclusion: “Now I know why they call patients, ‘patient.’” I couldn’t help but agree with her statement, as I sat there for two hours waiting to hear from an RN or Doctor as to the results of her tests and plan of care for my grandma; the frustration was that after three hours of waiting with her, I still hadn’t even met her RN or Doctor! Being a nursing graduate, I was having the battle within me of being patient and understanding of how busy the nurses in an Emergency room are, but also wanting to know what was going on with my grandma! I was convinced I knew what was the reason for her admittance and the diagnosis they’d be giving her, and frustrated that they didn’t seem to feel the need to inform either of us of what was taking place, or respond to the dozens of times her machine had begun beeping because her Resps were too fast or too slow, or her BP very low again. Later an RN informed me that they are just so used to hearing the beeping, that they don’t think about coming in to make it stop; meanwhile my grandma sleeps through the obnoxious repetition of beeps that is only making my blood pressure rise in anticipation.

I’ve always considered myself a very patient person, but lately I’ve felt more like someone in a waiting room waiting to hear the inevitable diagnosis for her loved one, feeling as though the answer would never come. I feel like I’ve been asking God question after question, and He’s given me no solid answer, and instead I’m just floating out on my last limb of faith waiting for Him to do something BIG! Someone once told me never to ask God for more patience, because He will do just that! I think back to all the times I’ve ignored this advice and asked God to give me patience, and realize that I’ve gotten exactly what I’ve asked for: more situations that increase my patience in waiting in hope and faith for what the LORD and Savior of my life has in store for me.

The most frustrating test of my patience lately has been in waiting for my career as an RN to finally begin. I’ve been a graduate for nearly 4 months now, and have had my RN license in Minnesota for a month. The problem is, I don’t live in Minnesota, never have, and probably never will. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunate that I was able to find that Minnesota is the one state that would allow me to take the RN boards (the NCLEX) without having a license in my foreign-trained province of BC, Canada. So previous to graduation I had all my paperwork into Minnesota ready to take the test, and just had to wait for my school to send my paper-work in so that I could register to take the test in my local hometown of Spokane. This took a little longer as there was a mix-up in the information I had from my school and a delay in these papers being sent, so that I was finally able to take my exam on February 10th, 2009. One week later, I was pleasantly surprised to receive my Minnesota license in the mail, and be able to send off my paperwork to WA state’s department of health, in hopes of receiving my RN license by endorsement. Apparently, WA state is much slower, and it usually takes 4-6 weeks for licenses to be processed, longer if you’ve been trained out of the country or are applying by endorsement-both of which define me.

I had secured a job at Sacred Heart back in January, and now only had to wait for WA state to process and issue my license. I kept watching in anticipation on-line for my license to change from pending to active, but the first orientation date I was scheduled for at the beginning of March came and went, with no active license, and thus postponing my orientation another two weeks. The week before I was supposed to start orientation-on March 16th, I called the department of licensing to investigate the status of my license, and inform them that I was just waiting on them to begin working. They informed me that my license was just two steps away from being approved and made active, and it should be ready by the first of the week--one week before my rescheduled orientation. So I waited with excitement for my license to be active and to officially claim my title as RN! Unfortunately, the last week has come and gone, I’ve had several phone conversations with one of the individuals working on processing my license, and after telling me multiple times to check the next morning for my license should be listed as active, and seeing that it wasn’t, I finally surrendered when the deadline came last Friday for it to be active before my orientation this past Monday. So, here I am, sitting with my grandma while she sleeps, playing nurse, but still unable to practice what I’ve been taught through four and one-half years of school!

I keep trying to look at it from God’s perspective, but I think I’m still missing it. Isaiah 55 has been coming to my mind quite often: “’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord” (verse 8). This verse is applicable in any area of life, but seems especially relevant right now. Among other things, I’m still awaiting and praying all the more desperately for Him to show me if, when and how I should return to India, if I really am going to be able to pursued a career in adolescent psychiatry, and if all of the ways I desire to glorify Him are based on more than just my own feelings. I’ve always looked to the future, had goals and a means to get there, but right now, I find myself just sitting and waiting, trying to be patient, which depends totally on my faith and hope in a Sovereign God-which wavers far too easily for my taste.

So I recognize that my ability to be patient resides solely in my faith in God and His timing. I don’t know how many times He has to prove to me that His timing is best, and His thoughts and ways are not in line with mine, before I will finally listen. Just today a read a beautiful analogy written by a dear friend of mine about “Dancing with Jesus.” I realize that as a violinist, it is in my nature to rush, and as a human, it is in my nature to try to independently figure out my own way forward, and try to lead God instead of surrendering to His leading. I keep making my own rhythms and tunes to dance to, in hopes to speed up the process, while He remains the same; He even takes me back to the parts where I’ve begun to stray off, to work those out to make the dance more smooth and beautiful than ever. What’s incredible to me is that He never grows tired or weary, He never stops pursuing me to step with Him, and that the dance won’t end until we are beautifully in sync according to His thoughts and ways.

I hope that through my ramblings and multiple stories and analogies, you might find some encouragement of how He may be moving in your life, beyond your comprehension. And don’t fear, if today you seem even a little out of sync, He’s always faithful to get you back on track:

“Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
He makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.”
-Psalm 25:12-15, NLT

My first blog post!

Well, I finally did it... created my own blog! Or so I think... I'm new at this, so bare with me as I get used to updating, posting, and personalizing this site. I decided it is about time I find a place to share my reflections on all God has been and is teaching me, and on the past gifts He's given me-like my summer in India! So, stay tuned... I'll try to get this going soon!