Prayers for my Indian Family this Christmas

Today my heart is aching for the family I spent this Christmas season with a year ago. I just learned of some difficult news that calls me to pray and ask you to join me in petitions for this family and for one child especially.

Debbie is preparing to move again to another part of India, as our Father is leading her to work with another population in Eastern India. She has been working to get the legal paperwork and meeting with each child's family so she can move her foster children with her. The two boys of concern-Tarun and Shubbam, will be going with her-with, sadly, little concern from their parents. Debbie has a lawyer helping her with paperwork for adopting the newest member of the family-Joshua, who joined us last spring. All these are answers to prayer, allowing her to continue to invest in these children as she takes them with her. Praise be to Him who has moved in her to allow her to take this step and bring these children with her. However, the one of greatest concern on my heart has been Mariam.

She is the sweet girl, age 11, who nearly died two years ago. Each time she goes home for a few days, or even a couple days, to spend time with her family, she has often come back sick or down in weight. Her family just doesn't know how to care for her best, and Debbie has done so much for her. The family is Hindu, and they have decided to keep Mariam. The first time I went to India, Deb was just trying to gain the family's permission to take care of Mariam in her home; after weeks of meetings and struggling with the family, the father finally agreed to let Deb have Mariam on the following conditions: they would still get to see her, Deb wouldn't make her a Christian, and Deb wouldn't take her out of India.

I ask that you would pray for this family, and especially little Mariam. Pray for Deb to have courage and faith to continue toward what God has called her, and entrust this precious one to His care. Pray that Mariam's family would have a change of heart, come to know Christ, and perhaps even realize that they aren't able to give Mariam what she needs. Pray that the relationship started with this family would not be lost, and that by His grace and power all of this would be for His glory!

Thank you for joining me in thanksgiving and prayers for His work here and around the world. What Joy we have in Him who gives us faith to Believe in His past and present work, and to know that He "is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us" (Ephesians 4:20).

Merry Christmas to you all!

Lest We Forget... to Remember

"Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24

One year ago today I was on a plane to India for an adventure that has changed my life forever and drawn me deeper in communion with my blessed Savior! Sometimes I look back and long deeply to visit those days of quiet rest in the sun, see the smiles and hear the laughter of those beautiful children, and just delight in the blending of language, music and culture that encompassed those several months. Other times I look back further, to the blessings of friendships in other chapters, and I long for them similarly. Having the joy and challenge of working in middle school ministry with my church and playing nurse at a high school every day, I have found myself reflecting more on those days 10+ years ago. At the end of reflecting, I am reminded that I would not be who I am or where I am today had God not faithfully brought me through every blessing, giving and taking away according to the riches of His grace.

All this to say I am learning to look back with Thanksgiving and Joy instead of longing, and recognize that His Faithfulness needs to be remembered daily. After reading through Judges recently, seeing the pattern of wandering and how many times God's people forgot Him and the consequence, I have been humbled that I so easily follow in their footsteps. He is able to do abundantly more than all we could ever ask; this I know because He already has, and His promises never fail! I do eagerly await what He has in store around the next corner, but even more the glorious hope of Heaven.

I received news from India this past week that lifted my soul with great joy! My roommate and dear friend in the community, Lakshmi, was baptized this past week!! She has also committed to the work for at least 2 more years-even if a move far from her family is involved. This is a huge blessing for those of you who followed me closely in the journey, knowing that she nearly left the project last Christmas. Glory to God indeed for the work He has done in her life and all He is doing in this nation! Whether or not returning to or living in India is in my future, I will always rejoice at the work He is doing in that place and in the lives of my beloved family there. I invite you to continue to pray for this nation of devastating corruption and poverty with potential for Indescribable Beauty!

Until next time, I would ask for your prayers for His continued counsel and guidance. Since living in India I have been praying about returning to school and what He would have me pursue-nursing or ministry. I am pretty convinced He is leading me to start Bible school! I don't know when at this time, but most likely it will be here in Spokane to start out. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but until now I never had peace about going and He always lead me elsewhere. In the meantime, for the first time in 3-4 years I can truly say that I believe with all my heart and mind that I am in the center of His will for me right now-and that is a Blessed thing indeed! Thank you to all of you who have faithfully pursued me with His love and covered me in prayers-past, present and future.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23

Humility

It has been a while since I shared what HE is doing in my life, and tonight, I just felt the need to share. I know I should be writing a tribute to those who lost loved ones in 9/11, or somehow remember that day, but this is where my heart really is. Perhaps there is something here, which by His grace, can bring encouragement to someone who has dealt with a devastating event as those affected closely by the terrorist attacks 10 years ago. I suppose I titled this Humility because at this moment I felt humbled to share this, and HE has been teaching me this lesson in a variety of new means and places. I am so very blessed by God's grace, and how He has answered my prayers in ways I never expected.

I have found myself fighting discouragement and anxiety, all rooted in one sin: selfishness. Five months ago, the circumstances in life that now bring me down and build walls to keep me from Him, would not have fazed me. Five months ago, I had learned how to Trust Him in a way I never thought I could, and I loved Him so much more for it. I think because I saw people with so much more to worry about, I learned to Love India like He did, and in that all fear and uncertainty, and my own battle for control, seemed futile. I fell in Love with Christ in a whole new way in India; now, I find myself back in a world of lusts and battles that seemed so foreign there.

Where is the faith and peace I had in India? Where is the sure hope and secure Faith I learned to live by that brought me Joy and freedom? Now that things seem easier, the battle against sin gets thicker. Or is it that I just see it more clearly or differently now?

The more I see myself, my weaknesses, my sinfulness, the more I see myself as I would be apart from Christ and His Righteousness covering me, the more I come to appreciate the little blessings He brings my way. It can be a simple note from a close friend, a kind word from a complete stranger, or reconnecting with an old loved one I thought I might never see again. These little signs of His unconditional love seem to come at the time I deserve them the least. In the past few months, these blessings have come refreshing and full as a waterfall!

For example, this week at the hospital I had the incredible privilege of admitting a patient who had suffered a great loss. Just a very short while ago, she had lost her mom unexpectedly. This individual was only a few years older than me, preparing for her mom's funeral, and midnight the day of the funeral, she gets admitted to the hospital with a virus she had already battled a year ago. Yet this woman handled the situation with the most joy and peace of anyone I have ever seen. I walked in the room, and her smile lit it up! Wasn't it my job as the nurse to brighten my patient’s day, as they struggle with pain and loss in a dark hospital room? This weekend, I was served by the joy of a complete stranger, who handled trials in life with such joy and perseverance that humbled me. Here I was thinking, if I can just make it through this one more night for this week, and if I can just Trust Him with one more patient to serve tonight... and He gave me the greatest blessing!

Someone told me today, "[you] are a special lady," and I couldn't respond. I didn't know whether to thank her, or tell her how mistaken she must be! Instead I just smiled awkwardly and tried to hide. I felt encouraged, and yet I felt humbled. In that moment I felt so exposed, thinking, if you only knew what I really am. I know it is only by His grace that I can come across as significant or special when in my heart of hearts I am the worst sinner this world has known! LORD, give me the courage to speak, next time I hear a word of encouragement, to turn the Glory and Praise to You; for truly I am nothing apart from You!

I did not deserve to go to India, but He took me there in His presence. I do not deserve the life of Grace and Love He is giving me here on earth, but yet He still chooses to reveal Himself to me every day of my life. Praise and GLORY indeed to Him who is able to keep [us] from stumbling, and [He] WILL bring [us] into His presence innocent of sin (Jude 1:24-25, my paraphrase/emphasis)... and with great Joy!

Darkness to Light...

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God... to stand firm" (Ephesians 6:12-13, NASB).

Returning to Spokane has lifted a burden of oppression I had not known before the past six months. I had heard that spiritual warfare seems stronger and more recognized in overseas work, but I had no idea what that looked like a year ago. As long as the prince of this world remains active in his attacks, until Jesus does come again, we must follow the instruction of putting on the Armor wherever we go in all we do. I want to share with you how He preserved me in the front of the battlefield, and how we can be praying for those brothers and sisters on duty (Romans 15:30-33).

In the first month of my time in India, I found myself in a battle for Faith against temptation to get on a plane to run away to home. It was more than I could handle alone; thankfully, I had Our Father on my side, and many of you praying fervently on my behalf. I was miserably homesick, and felt completely backed into a corner at times because of language, culture, living conditions, overwhelming poverty, lack of experience and much more. It was a daily battle to live Believing and Surrendering to the One who works all things together for Good (Romans 8:28). Our God is always at Work far beyond what we can see, and even in this He was teaching me, changing me and touching those around me. I was so blessed to be used despite of my great weaknesses, and to see His hand in every detail of the past year.

Many of you probably know India is about 80% Hindu, and less than 3% Christian. The idolatry you see every day, and the devastating results of cultural beliefs of caste and lifestyle break my heart. Even some of the staff I worked with claim to be Cs, but in fact, they still worship their own false gods. In my last week there, events took place that made their pluaralism all the more obvious. While it came a bit of a shock to me, I was more prepared to fight to the finish, seeing all the more ways I can continue to pray for His work in this nation I love and the great need for His laborers.

I challenge you all to fight for faith daily here on the home front, never ceasing to pray for those on the front-lines of battle, and should He call you to go to the front lines, please remember these words from a faithful Servant of His that loved India better than I have yet:
"We follow a stripped and crucified Savior... Dear, you are coming to a battlefield. You cannot spend too much time with Him alone." As quoted in Elizabeths Elliot's account of Amy Carmichael's life in A Chance to Die.
Secondly, if you have not already, I urge you to meditate and memorize the following verse, and any others that have encouraged you, for you will need them on the battlefield wherever you are:
"‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty." Zech 4:6b

To whom much is given...

From the first week to my final days in India I was aware of the numerous comforts I have taken for granted. Most of these would be considered necessities to the majority of us in North America, while in poorer parts of India they might be viewed as comforts perhaps occasionally to be enjoyed and always gratefully received.

All the numbers of things I have taken and easily will take for granted again:
-Water: having it at all, warm or hot water, clean water, drinking water.
-Electricity, light, warmth, shelter, safety and security.
-Health, nutrition, balanced diet options, food! Meat, cheese, fresh vegetables and fruit!
-Family, friends, a home church, fellowship, others to edify, encourage, and disciple me throughout my life. A Christian Community, family, school, and circle of friends. The ability to call up a friend when I am having a bad day or a good one!

The last one listed above probably was the hardest for me to learn to live without at times when phone service or internet were unavailable. Those who know me well know how I hold on to people, and I have a very difficult time letting them go when a season for friendship ends or circumstances direct us apart. "To whom much is given, much is required." These words echoed in my mind day after day as I poured out my heart to God and sought His fellowship all the more. I was blessed to learn to depend on God for fellowship as I never had before, and to eventually form some friendships with those around me.

What He removed or withheld from me in those six months cannot compare with what countless go without in this world; yet, because of what I have grown to live with, I had to learn to live without. At times I felt so overwhelmed by the needs around me-some only seen from a distance, others voiced out loud or in mute gestures-that I felt I could not carry the weight. Once again, I learned to rely on Him as never before and lift each one my eyes fell on up to Him. There are a number of people living in India who do not have the luxury of any of the items listed above, and I was only without some of these for brief hours or days at a time in the past six months. I hope I will never stop being thankful for all I have been given, every minute of every day I have to walk in fellowship with my Lord and Maker, and every gift He gives for every season. May He continue to create in me a willing heart to surrender every gift He gives and to learn to share it with the very "least of these."

Reckless Abandon Wrapped in Common Sense

Seeing the news this morning about the 200+ lives lost and millions affected by the tornadoes in the Southern US (http://abcnews.go.com/US/tornadoes-210-killed-south-including-131-alabama/story?id=13474955), reminded me of the daily struggle we face living in the end times where we must be ready every day of our lives, and yet we are to live each day just taking one at time. I have always struggled to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow, and when disasters like this take place I find it even more difficult to stay in my comfort zone at home instead of being at the front lines of battle. At the same time, I am terrified of those front lines.

As a child I used to say my greatest fear was dying without the people I know and love understanding and believing that I love them, and most of all how Jesus Christ loved them. This greatly impacted the way I interacted with people and formed friendships. Somehow, as I became aware of the terrors of this world and its sufferings, and as I faced opposition and temptation at different seasons of my life, I lost that passion and urgency; fear of worldly circumstances and unknowns slowed me down you could say. Common sense ways of protecting myself began to quiet the urgency I once had.

It seems ironic now when I think about it, that the same natural disasters and growing risk of the world we live in that make me shy away from standing up in Faith and going out in a threatening world, is the same reason why I have this urgency to reach those who have not heard the Gospel. Even so, I know there are practical ways that I need to pursue the equipping of my mind, heart and body for His service wherever He leads me. We can't just run full speed ahead into the thick of the battle without proper training and the Armor of God.

There is a constant tension between the urgency I feel for the lost, especially the broken ones in crisis in India, and the need to rest quietly in His presence and seek training for His future plans for me. Even Jesus Christ took days of quiet away from everyone, by Himself, to pray to the Father, seek His counsel, and waited until the last few years of His life to make His most defining moments of ministry. That doesn't mean that every moment of His life on Earth didn't have meaning or purpose; from the miracle of His birth to His death on the cross the world was against Him, and yet the Power of His victory on the cross and His Resurrection as we just celebrated put His enemies to shame and ours too!

Amy Carmichael cautioned anyone that would come to India, "... you cannot spend too much time with Him alone." She also said this in her famous book "If" -
"If I crave hungrily to be used to show

the way of liberty to a soul in bondage;

instead of caring only that it be delivered;

if I nurse my disappointment when I fail,

instead of asking that to another the word of release may be given,

then I know nothing of Calvary love." - Amy Carmichael, "If"

Processing...

Six months of lessons, challenges, obstacles overcome, fears defeated, victories won...
How does one summarize it or begin to process it all? I think I shall spend the rest of my life on Earth and quite possibly all eternity with Him in Glory enjoying the "light-bulb" moments of His ways far beyond our own. Despite my weakness in Faith, He blessed me in tremendous ways with more of Himself, revealing His purpose for me and for those I lived alongside in my presence there; though most was not what I had planned or expected, all of it was from His hands and for His glory!

As people start asking me, "well how was it?" I feel I could burst! Not one word or even one sentence can sum up the lessons learned, the heart-breaking sights and stories, or His jealous love for India. My hope and prayer is that the needs of those I left behind will continue to be met by His sustaining hand, as He sends more workers into the field and raises awareness of the needs there and the way we can all participate in helping. There is so much need! The sights, sounds, smells, experiences and emotions that overwhelmed me at first, have became a constant echo in my memory; my hope is to be able to share enough of that with you, and the story of each life touched by those serving Him there, that you will not be able to forget these children and this nation in your prayers.

One of my new favorite songs by Casting Crowns has been especially encouraging as I reflect: "Your love is peace to the broken, faith for the widow, hope for the orphan, strength for the weak. Your love is the anthem of Nations, Rings out through the ages, and Your always enough for me... In a dry and weary land, LORD You are the Rain." Pray with me for the "Rain" to fall from His hand on the nations, that His Truth would stand, and that a nation full of pluralism would learn to Love and serve the One True God.

Arriving Home....

Just made it home last night! There is so much to share from just the past week and month, let alone more from the past 6 months. I am not making any promises, but I am going to do my best to post 1-2 times/week to process the past few months and share His work with you all-His gifts and blessings are made to be shared, to the Praise of His Glory! It is such a blessing just to have the freedom to write, e-mail and talk to people in person about the Work He is doing, without fear for myself or those I love.

There are some huge prayer needs for those I left behind, so for now I will ask you to pray as He leads you for peace, safety, health, protection from the enemy who is the prince of this world, and wisdom, strength, and grace to speak the Truth in Love (for me as I share with people here, and for those still in His service there). The staff involved in the intervention program are in need of all our prayers for their eyes to be opened and their lives turned around.

Of course, I need prayers for wisdom and direction of next steps in applying for jobs, school courses, and preparation for future service wherever He leads, strength as I transition to the many differences of life here, Him to keep the people I left behind in my thoughts and prayers while still leaving them safely in His hands, and peace, faith, hope and love in all these things.

My prayer as I share more with people who know me and those who don't, is that their eyes would be opened to the great need for us to be mindful of people around the world who are in need: to hear His Word, have His healing, His provision, and know they are loved beyond measure. I believe with all my heart that this is His position toward India, for that is the only way I could love its people as I do: "Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Therefore beseech the LORD of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.'" - Matt 9:36-38

So Long for Now...

I am heading back to the community this evening for my final 4 weeks here. Sorry I have not been able to post more details, but we had internet down here for two days, and now I am on my way out! If you don't hear from me until I leave the weekend before I return-April 17th, please don't be alarmed, just keep lifting us up. I don't know if the internet will be fixed in the home before I leave, but I should have quick access in Delhi to let you know I am on my way... In the meantime...

Now that my time left is fast approaching-with just one month remaining!- I am struck so often with the struggle of finishing my time here well and persevering in what matters most. I don’t want to think of leaving this place, and yet my longing to return home keeps me eagerly looking forward to April. Sometimes I just want to get the goodbyes over with-especially since I just went through it 4 months ago! As Deb and I were talking one morning, she reminded me that it is not goodbye, it is just “see you later!” Even so, it will be difficult to say so long for now, not knowing when later will come. Oh how my heart aches for eternity when there will be no more tears from these dreaded farewells-for never again will I have to say goodbye!

I have learned so many things I would love to apply in pursuing further experience and education so that I can be better equipped in the future. From my first few weeks here I have gone from feeling completely unprepared, overwhelmed, in over my head, to now the difficulty of leaving a place where I have been so blessed and strengthened. He has taught me so much about myself, and above all my walk with Him in each day. I trust Him to provide just the right job and even to guide me in pursuit of education, but I want to ask for you all to be joining me in pr, that I would see clearly His guidance and always seek His understanding above my own. I hate to leave this place not knowing when I’ll return, but then we never really know what each day will have in store do we? Even when we make our plans, He sets our paths straight.

So I guess what I would request is that you ask Him to help me see what is His purpose in each day I have left here, and that He would prepare me to pursue the next steps-opening and closing doors as He has in the past year. Along with this is the need for trusting Him with the people I am leaving behind, and that He would provide someone else to come alongside them to help and fill in. There is so much need here. For the past few years I have heard about Amy C, but never actually picked up and finished one of her books or one about her-now I have almost finished two and I am wondering what took me so long! My thoughts over the past several years have echoed some of hers, and while I cannot pretend to have the same courage or gifts she possessed, I ask Him to change my selfish and prideful heart to be more like the one He put in Amy-for whatever purpose He wills. In the meantime, her questions, pleas and testimony have been an encouragement and a challenge in the times I have felt so alone here.

In all things, I know He has and will be my supply. As I prepare to make the journey home there are so many things I want to say, most of which I look forward to sharing with many of you in person, but for now I rest in the fact that He will lead each one of us home. Please do ask Him to be my peace as I return, and that the long journey home would be a time to reflect and thank Him, sharing the time with Him, trusting Him to lead me home safely.

Loving you all and looking forward to sharing more with you soon... So long for NOW!

When Words Fail...

Romans 12:1 has been the passage for the last two messages I have heard from JP with not only a challenging reminder, but also an encouraging one. Titled “Present Your Bodies…” it reminded me that talk is cheap, and what we demonstrate in our behaviors is most telling. What an encouragement this gave when so often I have felt so lost for words because of the language barrier! The few phrases I know in Hindi just cannot communicate the depth of love and truth I want to share, but praise to Him who can and is able to use even me in my weakness. Let me not get in the way in my unbelief and selfishness!

Another example of how understanding language has been both a barrier and a blessing came a few weeks back. It was just after I had e-mailed you all with my frustration to understand His purpose and struggling to feel at home here. I returned to the community and one of the staff who just moved in after I arrived-Richa, the house-keeper and cook here- was feeling a little overwhelmed. She was expressing to me how she wanted to tell me, but could not because of the language. Richa cannot write or read Hindi or English, and speaks about as much English as I do Hindi, and yet she is the person I have connected with the most here in the community. She has been through so much for someone so young, and I can see she has a tender heart.

She used a word- “bogue” – which I had not heard before and could not find in my small dictionary. A few days later she was again trying to express herself, and another staff member looked up this word for us in a bigger Hindi-English dictionary that translated it as “over-worked.” What I was able to understand is that it was more than just being over-worked and stressed that she was feeling, but feeling the heavy weight of frustration with too much expectation from certain people. Oh how I could relate to this feeling in that moment and understand what she was struggling with.

In her broken English she proceeded to explain to me why and how she felt this “bogue,” and her tears were so refreshing after the countless times I had tried to express the reason for my tears. It seemed that since I had been able to express my frustration and tears to her in the past, she was able to openly share with me. By His grace, I was able to be the listener she needed, and then to pr over her for the weight to be lifted, and for His easy yoke to be placed on her, that He would strengthen her for the work she has. She expressed to me the next day that she was doing much better and we both praised Him together for helping us face each new day! What a gift this was and I hope is just one more seed planted in her heart.

It has been such a gift for us to have each other and be not only an encouragement to one another but also an example of relationships crossing the boundaries of language and culture. I am just amazed at how He is at work in this friendship and am asking He will continue the work long after I leave this place. Please do keep her in your thoughts as you lift us up.

Good News!

Other news:

-Finally the Generator is connected and working-see picture! It was used so much one week with the colder weather still hanging on and no power, it even ran out of kerosene already-which meant a few days without it because of how long it takes just to get gas or kerosene when we finish it. So thankful to have it!
-The boys are in the middle of exams-means a lot more time spent helping them study in preparation and lots of pr for them to focus and apply all they are learning
-In this last month:
• I am currently in my last full week now here at the hospital-saying goodbyes and making every minute count, taking opportunity to step in wherever I can
• Teaching with families and staff-making posters for the staff to use. I need a lot of wisdom regarding what and how to present the most important information without it being an overload. Most of it will just be tools the staff can use after I am gone, but still I just need wisdom for how to make these tools appropriate for the level of education of these families and their capabilities considering their poverty and limited resources.
• Deb is traveling to train staff in another state-gone for a week, so pr for protection for those of us staying back at the house. Final travels home-my flight leaves April 18th!
• One of the boys who comes to the intervention program during the week who lost so much weight in the winter, Sunny, has been coming more consistently (at least 1-2 times a week!)-Praise! As a result I have been able to start him on a vitamin and protein supplement that can help him gain weight lost and fight infection-he is significantly under weight and comes from a very poor community where poor hygiene and living conditions combine to spread infection and malnutrition. Pr for him and his family, for his body to respond to the vitamins, and for him to continue to come to the school program here regularly enough to get these vitamins and recover well.
• The boys in the home are progressing slowly with piano lessons, and I believe the discipline they are learning in practicing piano and the connections music makes in the brain can and will help these boys with their studies and to develop behaviors that can help them grow to live for Him. The other children in the home light up when any of us are playing the piano; I hope music can continue to bless this home and provide another way for Him to be lifted up in each of these lives.
• I have seen signs of improvement with these kids since starting them on vitamins (those in the home and coming each week to the day program), but of course continue to pr for the families and staff to be able to take over and watch for signs of problems. Ask Him to help the staff and families remember to keep the kids on these and apply the little teaching I have given. Above all, pr that the seeds planted through songs, verses, stories and devotion times with the kids would continue to grow.

The newest addition to the family moved in last week and has settled in remarkably well! PRAISE! Just pr for continued adjusting and especially discerning any health issues and assessment needs. He is a sweetheart and has been through so much at just 5 years!

At Last!!

Finally! Once again I am learning how to put my trust in Him and not my own plans or schedule. Every day holds a new surprise and carries with it the lesson of leaning not on my own understanding, but seeking Him and His purpose for each day. I was once so comfortable with my busy schedule and list of things to do each day-knowing it would never be finished in one day. Usually I am a foolish procrastinator, but where there is less opportunity for distraction here in the usual ways, I am learning to take advantage of those opportunities to dive into the Word and reading books I have never gotten around to. I am learning so much!

Due to the delay, I will first update you with the most recent happenings, and hopefully later this week post some reflections of events in the past few weeks worth sharing. This past week, the open house finally took place to celebrate His provision with family, friends, and community. Before this though, Lakshmi (my roommate) and Debbie arrived safely back home with our new addition-Joshua. He is more autistic than we had originally been informed, but is adjusting surprisingly well. The children in the home are also adjusting better than expected. It is going to be difficult to get him to take vitamins or other medication to help with some of the bowel, skin and behavior problems he has, not to mention food he needs for both. We are hoping once he adjusts and settles in we can find something for him that he likes. In the meantime keep praying for his transition and progress in the home, and for all of us to adjust.

I have no new requests, but to ask you to continue to lift us up to Him. There are days where I can sense physically that you are lifting me up to Him, and I am so thankful to have you here with me. I have been so blessed in the past weeks by the encouragement of those around me, and witnessing ways in which once again He was and is at work despite my great weakness. It is bitter-sweet to be in the final stretch of my time here, eager to return to all of you and share in person what a gift He has given me here, and my heart for what I hope is in the future. At the same time, I want to take advantage of every day I have left here and know it is going to be very hard to stay away long enough to finish the preparation I believe He is asking me to do from home. He still has much to teach me and change in me before I am able to dive in fully here-in His will and time. I don’t want to forget what He has taught me or change my mind about the direction He is taking me from here, and yet still to trust Him in every step that He has me right where He wants me and is using me.

Specific details to come, I hope some pictures, and sweet stories of His Power perfected in weakness.

Never say Never...

I received an e-mail this week from a dear friend who was commenting on how each of us had all said at different times things we could never see ourselves doing, and now all three of us have done exactly those things. I said I'd never come back here alone, and while I understand very clearly and am so thankful I am never truly alone, here I am half-way around the world from home as independent as I have ever been. Yet again I have to correct myself, because I have never been more dependent on Him.

The reason I bring this up is not only because of the recent e-mail, but because I was just promising you all updates over the coming week... and of course in this country's fashion, plans change and I am leaving here tomorrow for the home in the community once again. I will be back next week, hopefully finally able to post regularly and get some pictures up.

Along the theme of Never say never-especially to the One who is King of making the impossible nevers into probable possibilities- I also thought I'd never find myself in ER or ICU other than as a patient or visiting a friend or family member, but this past week I have been in both and seen more than I ever expected. Once again, that is our Mighty Father for us! He is just full of surprises and I am so thankful that I can depend on Him. I was reading in 1 Corinthians this morning, chapter 15, and found these words from Paul in vs 10 so relevant:"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." The first part of this is so true and so relevant, and my hope and pr for my life is that the second would be proved true... I have seen it in part already, but I believe there is more to come. I just know I could not have come here or be doing what I am now if it were not for this Truth! Praise Be to Him Indeed!

As I leave here again, ask for Him to make me useful in this time of need in the home, that Lakshmi would be able to attend her training, Deb go and smoothly bring back our new 5 yr-old boy at last, (both of them by a last-minute train still waitlisted) and me be able to come here for at least part of next week, and all of us return safely to the house, children and staff in tact! I am sure you can read between the lines here and I trust Him to lead you in your petitions on our behalf. He is certainly encouraging me with little ways I see Him at work in my heart and beyond my abilities to reach out to the people here in such great need. What a wonder it is to be kept in Him and by Him and above all else for Him!

I am back at the hospital this week again, so I am able to update you all. I am hoping to post some pictures as well to share soon. You all need to see our beautiful new home!

Briefly since I wrote last:

When I returned back to my home in the community, I returned to:

-one of they boys sick with a sinus infection, myself fighting a bad cold, and Mariam came down with the same one. Deb had a cyst on the back of her neck I cleaned out daily for about a week, and she now has the same cold. Thankfully, we got the children on antibiotics in time to fight off the infection and they are all doing much better-indeed Glory to Him who protected us and is giving us speedy recovery in the midst of everything happening.
As a results of cold, rainy weather after a week of very warm days, we are still trying to get out of the cycle of illness and settle into a normal as things are almost finished at the house-it seems I say this every time I write, but I do believe the final carpentry work and painting will be finished in the next two weeks, and the electrician has finally finished.
-the children with disabilities came back for school the past two weeks, and thanks to Him working in the family's hearts to consent, I have started vitamins and further assessments on the children. Two of them need some strong vitamins and medication due to chronic problems, so pray for them and that their families might continue the vitamins and medication after I leave.
-Continue to ask Him go give me understanding and wisdom as I am the only nurse in the community and don't have the resources I am used to relying on. He has been more than faithful and I know will continue to give me and all of us just what we need. Pray as I plan and give education to staff and families that they will understand it, receive it and apply it-and of course that they would see Him in me and in all of us at the home.
-The children living in the home need more attention than they have been getting lately, and they need to be discipled. They are exposed to the Word daily and encouraged to act in a way that pleases Him, but we certainly need prayer for patience, understanding and power to keep encouraging them in Him and that He would change and mold their hearts. These kids come from different environments, some more tragic than others, and are difficult to assess; number one answer is that they need Him.

Thank you for the encouraging responses I have received from recent e-mails and for all your prayers. He has certainly been answering them and blessing me in tremendous ways. As much as I look forward to returning home to share in person with all of you, He is revealing so much of Himself to me here. If nothing else is gained through this experience, I can rejoice in the fact that He has and is drawing me to Himself daily, reminding me that He is the Bread of Life and that all my labors should be for Him and Him to be known in me. There is so much need here that I can only begin to see, and I pray believing He will continue to equip me and train me to do more in the future, should He bless me by bringing me back again. In the meantime, I am learning to focus on one day at a time the ways I can remain in Him and let Him reign in me in a way that encourages the believers and non-believers around me.

That is all for now, but I hope to post a few more details and updates throughout the week to fill you in. This week the hospital is very quiet here, and the ICU just emptied out completely. I have seen more IUDs-intra-uterine deaths and suicide attempts here than anything else; both of these are such sad things and so preventable! I hope some day I can be a part of planning prevention programs here. I think in some way, I already am.

Love you all and will post again soon!

He's Making all things beautiful, in His Time

For those of you who follow my blog and don't read e-mails... (there are some added bonuses hidden here as well :-)

We are all safe and doing relatively well-at least were until I left the house for the week. Now that I am gone for the week, a few health concerns have come up; ask for His hand in the following things:

-Debbie has a large cyst on the back of her neck and has had a lot of pain from a couple falls.
-Anmol, the youngest boy-age 7, has come down with a cold and was recently exposed to mumps-so tomorrow they will be coming here to check things out just in case.
-Mariam gained the weight she lost back and seemed to be doing very well, but all week since the morning I left she has had bouts of reflux in the middle of the night. There are a couple of things that could be causing it and we just hope and pr it isn't anything serious! You can also pr that the medication I suggested to Debbie would help tonight.

On a more personal note...
Oh if only I had time to tell you all in detail about what I witnessed today!!! All I can say is that we all should be so thankful if we have not been sick here or had to deliver a baby here ( I know I am)! You also can ask Him that somehow my presence and way of interacting with people would in even some small way make a difference in the lives of the patients and the way the staff here veiw health care. As I was discussing with my roommate (she is from S India but has been here for several years, and oh how wonderfully thankful I am for her!), the nurse-pateint relationship here is so very different... her response was, "yeah, there is none!" It is so sad, but so true. I can't change it, but I do hope that the way I interact with patients and families, even though I speak and understand so little of their language, would somehow represent Him.

I have been so encouraged and blessed by the people He keeps bringing into my life here. Just when I am feeling alone with no one who understands what I am witnessing for the first time, He brings along someone who understands it exactly! Not only has He blessed me by the staff at the home in the past couple weeks, opening doors for friendships there, He has blessed me in huge ways in just a couple days here. My roommate here, for one, is just one of those people who is always brightening your day-and we relate on so many levels! We listen to music and sing every morning and night, and reason through our philosophical and psychological debates. On top of her presence and friendship, we met another girl who is a med-student here from Wisconsin. Meeting someone from home who is here on her own and come for a similar purpose is so refreshing! His timing could not have been better!!

Other than that, my request for you all is pr for my heart to be willing to apply myself and focus on what He wants me to do in the remaining time here, not being distracted with anticipation of returning home, but to focus and see His will accomplished in me for this time. Ask that I would open my mouth and let Him fill it and speak through me. I have been struggling a lot lately to understand His ways and have peace in what's next; to be honest every day is a battle to trust where He is taking me and what I am doing here, and yet every day He shows me clearly I am right where I belong!

I hope my updates reflect in some small way how much I am learning and being blessed here. I could probably write a novel every week, but then you would all be so tired of me. I know they are always filled with requests, but truly we are so thankful for His provision in every day, and I think in the midst of the daily battle, He has been drawing me into closer relationship with Him and teaching me so many things that will carry on far beyond this year-no matter where He leads!

I am so thankful for every one of you! I miss you all, but I know He wants me here and is giving me what I need for each day. Hope to update you before I am here again the end of February, but please do not be concerned if it is until then. April is just around the corner!

With love and gratitude, Nikki

P.S. Luke 9:23 is our verse of the week in our study, and boy is it hitting home! I was having a conversation with my roommate here at the hospital yesterday (Republic Day in India) about human rights and forgiveness. She is planning for a seminar where she has to address people who are trying to fight for their own rights, and she was trying to reason where one minoritiy here has to draw the line for another's rights; I can't quite recall where the two got started or connected, but it ended with me saying "that's why we are called to bear each other's burdens..." and she added, "and carry our crosses." Just some food for thought....

Behold, Believe, Be Raised!

I have good news and more requests for all of you...

Mariam’s back and adjusting pretty well. The biggest challenge is getting her sleep schedule back in order and helping her with bowel movements-so painful after the week at her home with different food and sleep patterns. She has been in a lot of pain and not sleeping as well. One of the vitamin supplements we are trying with her-Pediasure, has some probiotics that should help, but she was off of it the week at her parents so we have to get her back on track now. Praise, she only lost 1 Kg, and though she is a little overwhelmed by the stairs each morning, she is adjusting pretty well to the new surroundings.

We are almost fully unpacked, though still several boxes in storage-I think they will still be there when I leave . The electrician’s work is almost finished, painting done, and a few more small items the carpenter finished today. The hot water geeser that my roommate, the boys and I use is not working quite yet, and we have not had a very strong or fast internet connection since the move. It is hard to get some of the work I need to done-as far as research is concerned and to update you all-so pr that it will get better! Thankfully, the week I am at the hospital each month I should have better access, so I can do more then in my free time.

Requests:
-Our stairs inside are not the safest; we have already had two accidents-thankfully not worse than a nasty bruise and a pulled nerve for staff, but please pr for safety for the children, and especially Mariam as she sleeps upstairs and cannot brave the stairs alone.
-Mariam-health (especially bowel problems, rest and continuing to gain weight and improve immunity; getting her to swallow her medicine can be a problem as well, and there is so little to mix it with here that she likes (we need instant pudding or applesauce, which we don’t have here; and it has to be warm)
-Continued direction for each day, to trust Him and believe that He is at work in me here, and to trust in His plan for me after I leave (there are so many unknowns); time and the resources to research, plan, implement and reassess the vitamins schedule
-Staff: one person just quit and another who is just not following through (of the staff that come weekly to help with the intervention center for children with disabilities-Debbie trains them and they run the program); there is a need for people who are on fire for Him and for His children-especially those with disabilities. I really think someone (a third person) needs to live here to help the staff I will be leaving behind. I don’t know if I will be coming back for quite a while (if at all), but I see a great need for someone else to come and offer assistance and support. If you are a nurse, teacher, student or anyone with a heart for children in crisis and sharing His light with them, I encourage you to earnestly pr about coming (whether short or long-term). It will change your world!
- Again, my time here is coming to a close quickly and I don’t want to miss a thing; every week goes by and I think, what have I accomplished and how much I still want to do? There are always things that come up, and with the move several plans have been changed. I trust Him completely in what He wants to use me for, but I also don’t want to be lazy in completing what I came here to.
-Restarting SS: we need a big enough space and safe place to bring the children and our rooms are too small for all 30 kids; we also need the energy and time to continue it with all we are doing to finish the house, care for the children in the home and restarting the intervention center program next month
-Pr for each one of these children in the home to continue to learn from our devotion time and love the Lord; there are a variety of causes of behavior issues which makes it very difficult to assess them (so many factors: environment, abuse, malnutrition...)- My desire is that they come to know the Bread of Life and share that with a nation that needs so desperately to hear!
-Joshua, the 5 yr-old with Autism should be coming next month. We do have another young girl (orphaned) coming to live here (maybe just temporarily)-she is 20, pr for her arrival and transition here; and pr for both her and our live-in person, Richa to come to know Him.
-I go to the hospital again next week and will be there 1 week each month now until I leave in April!

Now to explain my title for this post...
Last Sunday I was blessed and encouraged by a message from John Piper, and my home church at VBC. I am learning so much, about His will and promises, and about His purpose for me here. The message from JP was from John 6:27-40, and was a humbling reminder of my purpose on this earth and here; it is titled “Behold, Believe, Be Raised” and is from a message on the 22nd of November 2009. It challenged me to place Him at the center of satisfying my every desire, and remember that His will is made perfectly clear in these lines. My last post I mentioned Ephesians 1; I believe this passage in John 6 is His answer to me, for this time, of what His will is-that I am kept in Him and satisfied with Him, and that this truth is clear to those around me. Please ask Him for that with me! Romans 8 and Mark 6:33-38 have also been key players in my fight for faith and seeking to fight against my own selfish unwillingness to give all I am and have for building His kingdom-no matter how hard it can be at times! I have found myself looking at Mark 8:33-38 time and time again, and asking myself daily, am I really willing to lose my life for Him? Am I demonstrating that in my heart attitude as I live out His will for me?

Lastly a message from my church, given on December 19th 2010, from Rom 10:21 moved me to tears as I visualized His hands stretching open, and I saw and felt Him running to embrace me! I was moved with compassion for those who need to know the love of the Father, and overwhelmed by His love for me. May you feel the same today, that it is never too late to turn to Him and surrender all to Him because the reward is worth it-the assurance that you will be kept by Him and for Him for all eternity-nothing could be better than this! Yes, “ I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

Change of Address... :-)

We have moved in and are slowly organizing and unpacking boxes and adjusting to our new home. It has been slow as there were many unfinished needs we had hoped to have before moving in: hot water (geeser’s were installed but not plugged in), electric outlets and lights (we only had some that were working the electrician has been here all week getting the rest in place), safety measures (gates for the upstairs to protect Mariam-the carpenter is working on finishing these and we hope to bring her home tomorrow!), plumbing (our kitchen was flooded and the roof also leaking with nowhere for it to drain from upstairs), not to mention it was just very dirty and a disorganized move. Although there have been many frustrations in the delay of some of this things, we have so many reason to thank Him!

We are all healthy and safe, resting peacefully at night when we have no reason but His presence to feel safe here. So thankful He is comforting us with His peace and giving us rest at night, keeping us safe from harm when we are back from the main road. It is so peaceful at night, quiet, no noise from the road like in the old house, and so beautiful! I will have more pictures (before and after) to post soon.

Praise:
-My roommate has decided to stay and we are connecting more every day-continue to pr for us to find ways to encourage each other and spur each other on.
-We are going to take a new boy in the coming month. He is 5 yrs old, abandoned at a nearby hospital, has autism and needs assistance to walk and use the bathroom. His name is Joshua. Please pr with us for his safety and smooth transition, the he would be strengthened and blessed when he comes.
-Even though we are all colder in the new house and under stress, we are all staying healthy and warm at night with heaters. We have not purchased the generator yet, but we have not needed it since we have not had full power to even utilize at this time.
-He is encouraging me daily with His words and revealing so many evidences of His presence and timing. I have loved daily just being able to devote time to pray scripture, and I have been praying Ephesians 1 and Philippians 1:3-12 daily for all of you supporting me and sharing in the journey!
-I am becoming more confident in practicing a little Hindi every day, forming relationships with people here, and finally starting to feel like I am actually making a difference instead of just being impacted in HUGE ways!

Requests:
-Mariam adjusting to the new house. She has been with her family for the past week, and that is a very long time for her to be there. Often she loses weight, has bowel problems (because of the different diet she has there), and can be very angry. We are asking Him to provide her safety needs, peace and a smooth transition back to full health!
-We are all exhausted and a little overwhelmed; ask that we would all be refreshed and strengthened to finish unpacking, organizing, getting things safely in order for the children especially to be able to adjust better.
-The boys are enjoying piano lessons, but we have gotten behind this past week. New books arrived this week, and I am hoping to start them up again. They love to “play” the keys, but it is hard to get them to focus and listen to really learn how to play and follow the structure. If they can be motivated to practice and listen, it could be so therapeutic and helpful to them. Ask Him to give me wisdom, patience and understanding with the boys different needs and to help me encourage them to learn and use their musical gifts for Him. A couple of the boys really love music and have an ear for it; it is just the behavior issues that are difficult to focus.
-The children will be going back to school soon (it has been delayed because of the cold), and the children with disabilities come back the first part of February. I am still working on finding the right vitamin schedules for these kids, needing wisdom and discernment and the time and working internet to research and find the right fit for each kid, and be able to monitor and assess after I’ve started them. It is hard to follow-up because kids don’t come consistently daily (except for a handful), and because of this I was not able to finish a full assessment on all the kids. It is also difficult because my lack of experience with children with disabilities and the language barrier; please pr for this, and if any of you out there have any suggestions please enlighten me!
-Safety, Health, transitions to the new home and surroundings-there are several reasons why only 10 minutes away is such a huge adjustment.
-Only 3 months left and still so much I want to finish before I leave. Pr that I would trust His timing and allowing me to do what He wants, praise Him that no major unforeseen events or emergencies have come up, and that I would continue to seek His will for my future-whether I will return in the future, that seeds would be planted and grown beyond my time here, and that I would be able to share openly with the people here about my faith and hope, and my love for India as a whole.

I think that pretty much covers everything for now! I think we finally have a good enough internet connection that I will be able to upload picts and give more details soon… in the meantime, keep your eyes lifted up! Thank you for the prayers. I do encourage you to read the verses I mentioned and pray them over us as well. It has given me great peace to be able to surrender everyone I miss back home, and everyone I will soon be missing here through these passages.

Moving Day!

We are all scrambling to finish packing as our moving day was postponed, but the house is finally ready for us to move in. Painting is mostly done, the important safety installments finished, and we are making the move tomorrow!! We are excited about the new place, but also a little nervous about getting everything together.

Pray for safety as we move, and for peace for all of us in this transition. We are so thankful for how He has provided, and the house is looking great with the new additions. Especially pray for the two children who have developmental delays and will be quite lost at first in the new house, not understanding where they are. It will be an adjustment for all of us, but we are thankful He is always with us!

Victory that has overcome the World-faith (1 Jn 5:4)

We are near to saying goodbye to our current home and will be making the big move this week. There are still some finishing touches to be put on the home, but overall we are so thankful for how He has provided. This building is much stronger and more secure than the current one, more rooms and washrooms to meet our needs, built as a hostel but we have been able to make improvements with the owners’ approval so that it will feel more like home for us. I will have to post updated pictures as we move in. The ugly green rooms are now bright blue (my favorite colour-mira mas parsand, Hindi men), light pink, tan, and upstairs purple (Debies’ mas parsand).

We have had more frequent and longer power outages the past 2 weeks, so we are so looking forward to having the generator soon in the new house! Thank you so much; if you could imagine how cold it does get at night in these houses with only space heaters to warm us, we really need the power to run them, so that we can all stay warm and healthy. He has been providing and we know He will continue to; thank you for being a part of that.

I wanted to post an update just to share with you before we move a small piece of the Truth He is teaching me every day here. I have been challenged, as I said before, to believe His timing and calling me for this work since I left. There are many reasons for the combination of fear, doubt and inadequacy I have felt; and I believe the enemy has been trying to deceive me since I arrived. Over the past several weeks I have been thinking of Mark 8:33 over and over “Get behind Me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s;” the past couple days I found this passage scribbled on a sticky note I’ve had it on since I was in nursing school. I looked it up and read this passage this morning from verse 27 to the end of the chapter in verse 38. As I read it I was reminded again of how Jesus’ own followers and closest friends on Earth, had seen many signs and wonders first-hand, and still doubted that He knew what was best and would provide it. I recalled that I have known and recognized multiple “signs” of His leading me here (from the moment I first believed until now). The problem is that I still doubt and see the picture from my human perspective.

In today’s study with Beth Moore in the “I’m Believing God” devotional I have been going through with my hosts, we dug deeper into the history of Joshua’s walk with God (as reflected from Hebrews 11:30). We were challenged to see how God made it clear, one step at a time, that the victory was God’s, long before he saw the locked city of Jericho and heard God’s promise: “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands.” At the close of our study, Beth Moore’s challenge to us was to see what God was showing us about our own Jericho. I could certainly hear Him saying to me, “See, Child? Would you please see this the way I do? No, not through your eyes. Through the eyes of faith!” I cannot always see the physical results of my presence here, but I know the work He is doing in my heart and mind will change me forever. Pray with me that all of us would come to believe Him more, delighting in Him and giving Thanks for His provision beyond what we can even comprehend, that we might become that sweet aroma and reflect Him in a world of darkness that is desperate for His light.