Humility

It has been a while since I shared what HE is doing in my life, and tonight, I just felt the need to share. I know I should be writing a tribute to those who lost loved ones in 9/11, or somehow remember that day, but this is where my heart really is. Perhaps there is something here, which by His grace, can bring encouragement to someone who has dealt with a devastating event as those affected closely by the terrorist attacks 10 years ago. I suppose I titled this Humility because at this moment I felt humbled to share this, and HE has been teaching me this lesson in a variety of new means and places. I am so very blessed by God's grace, and how He has answered my prayers in ways I never expected.

I have found myself fighting discouragement and anxiety, all rooted in one sin: selfishness. Five months ago, the circumstances in life that now bring me down and build walls to keep me from Him, would not have fazed me. Five months ago, I had learned how to Trust Him in a way I never thought I could, and I loved Him so much more for it. I think because I saw people with so much more to worry about, I learned to Love India like He did, and in that all fear and uncertainty, and my own battle for control, seemed futile. I fell in Love with Christ in a whole new way in India; now, I find myself back in a world of lusts and battles that seemed so foreign there.

Where is the faith and peace I had in India? Where is the sure hope and secure Faith I learned to live by that brought me Joy and freedom? Now that things seem easier, the battle against sin gets thicker. Or is it that I just see it more clearly or differently now?

The more I see myself, my weaknesses, my sinfulness, the more I see myself as I would be apart from Christ and His Righteousness covering me, the more I come to appreciate the little blessings He brings my way. It can be a simple note from a close friend, a kind word from a complete stranger, or reconnecting with an old loved one I thought I might never see again. These little signs of His unconditional love seem to come at the time I deserve them the least. In the past few months, these blessings have come refreshing and full as a waterfall!

For example, this week at the hospital I had the incredible privilege of admitting a patient who had suffered a great loss. Just a very short while ago, she had lost her mom unexpectedly. This individual was only a few years older than me, preparing for her mom's funeral, and midnight the day of the funeral, she gets admitted to the hospital with a virus she had already battled a year ago. Yet this woman handled the situation with the most joy and peace of anyone I have ever seen. I walked in the room, and her smile lit it up! Wasn't it my job as the nurse to brighten my patient’s day, as they struggle with pain and loss in a dark hospital room? This weekend, I was served by the joy of a complete stranger, who handled trials in life with such joy and perseverance that humbled me. Here I was thinking, if I can just make it through this one more night for this week, and if I can just Trust Him with one more patient to serve tonight... and He gave me the greatest blessing!

Someone told me today, "[you] are a special lady," and I couldn't respond. I didn't know whether to thank her, or tell her how mistaken she must be! Instead I just smiled awkwardly and tried to hide. I felt encouraged, and yet I felt humbled. In that moment I felt so exposed, thinking, if you only knew what I really am. I know it is only by His grace that I can come across as significant or special when in my heart of hearts I am the worst sinner this world has known! LORD, give me the courage to speak, next time I hear a word of encouragement, to turn the Glory and Praise to You; for truly I am nothing apart from You!

I did not deserve to go to India, but He took me there in His presence. I do not deserve the life of Grace and Love He is giving me here on earth, but yet He still chooses to reveal Himself to me every day of my life. Praise and GLORY indeed to Him who is able to keep [us] from stumbling, and [He] WILL bring [us] into His presence innocent of sin (Jude 1:24-25, my paraphrase/emphasis)... and with great Joy!