Saturday, May 9, 2009
PRAY FOR THE INDIANS IN ORISSA
I often get updates from the nurse I worked with in India last summer. It is always a joy to hear from her, but also a sorrow to hear of the trials she and her co-workers, friends, and our fellow brothers and sisters are enduring there. The strange thing is that it doesn't make me thankful I am here in the safety and security, but rather increases my desire to return to serve the people that blessed me so last summer. Please pray for our Christians brother and sisters, and their enemies. Please pray that God would protect them and humble their enemies. Pray that He would send me back some day soon, in the company of others. Please read that link on my page to a Desiring God article that shares an update on the circumstances in Orissa, India. Thank you!
Friday, May 8, 2009
One step forward...
"Two steps, somewhere else." Lately I feel like I'm moving forward, with no real understanding of where I'll end up. Granted, this has been the theme of my life, but at least I always thought I knew where I was going. Now, I have no idea. I returned two weeks ago to Langley, BC for my Universty Graduation Ceremony-where I actually graduated from my program four months ago. As I reconnected with my friends and fellow class-mates, I recalled the fear I felt as I stepped out of my student-role into my professional role-something I'm only beginning to grasp now. I witness all around me the fear and excitement of meeting those long-held dreams fulfilled! And then I realized how far I still have to go. I have many dreams and goals, but stepping forward lately has seemed to move further from those dreams, and towards an unknown world of medicine that terrifies and overwhelms, that I feel completely unprepared and unfit for.
The frustrating thing is that at a very young age, and unusually young age, I knew what I wanted to do with me life: ministry, specifically overseas, and so I've pursued that ever since. But somehow I feel that now, I've been deterred-and it's so frustrating! Even within the field of nursing, I found something that fit so perfectly, where I was fulfilled within, and blessing others for the sake of Christ; yet since I've graduated, I have left that direction to pursue another in hopes that it will prepare me for what's ahead-though I often do not see how.
I hate fruitless travel-I loathe doing anything without purpose... truly. Even relaxation or recreation has purpose-to rest my mind and restore it for the next step forward, the next day. Or a night's rest to process the days findings. The sad thing is how often I find myself distracted into laziness or empty fruitless pursuits-that's when I feel most ashamed and depressed.
Still, lately I feel as though I'm walking down the wrong path, into a hole I can't turn back from. In this case, in an entirely different direction from my dreams, and all that I thought I was. Loyalty is a quality I prize-in other people and myself. Yet now, it seems my loyalty to a hospital and new employers and employees, I fear I'll never be able to leave them to pursue what I've always worked for and believed in. I'm so afraid of giving up my dream of returning to India, settling for something less out of loyalty to the world. I'm scared that if I keep traveling down this road, I won't turn back or move in the direction I want to. I will never live my dreams of working with you in the depths of emotional and spiritual loss, of opening my home to them, and returning to the country that has been on my heart almost half of my life: INDIA.
Praise the LORD that He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). So often I have wondered at where my decisions will lead me and what ministry God has in store next... and everywhere I've gone, I've found purpose in my life, a place and people to minister to and with. Praise Him that He will keep my path straight, bringing my feet back to the place they stand firm, moving forward before Him-my ultimate end. Praise Him that only in Him do I find my joy, and in so doing, give Him the ultimate glory. John Piper has said, "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him." Oh Lord, make me satisfied in You, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, that You would be most glorified in me! I'm so thankful for this promise: "And I am sure that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again" (Phil. 1:6). And so I will continue in the journey, fighting hard for the Truth I am convicted of daily, hoping and trusting in Him who will never leave, nor forsake us. Whether I have nothing, or plenty, whether I fade into the collage of medicine that consumes me every day, or move forward to minister to the needs of those God so often brings to mind; whether I remain in Spokane my whole life, return to Langley, or move half-way across the world to serve in the villages of India, I know my life is in His hands and for His Glory... and that is all I need to believe and know.
May You find peace in knowing His plans for you are good, and joy in knowing His grace will sustain you, His love dwell within and around you, and His power be ever perfect in your weakness.
The frustrating thing is that at a very young age, and unusually young age, I knew what I wanted to do with me life: ministry, specifically overseas, and so I've pursued that ever since. But somehow I feel that now, I've been deterred-and it's so frustrating! Even within the field of nursing, I found something that fit so perfectly, where I was fulfilled within, and blessing others for the sake of Christ; yet since I've graduated, I have left that direction to pursue another in hopes that it will prepare me for what's ahead-though I often do not see how.
I hate fruitless travel-I loathe doing anything without purpose... truly. Even relaxation or recreation has purpose-to rest my mind and restore it for the next step forward, the next day. Or a night's rest to process the days findings. The sad thing is how often I find myself distracted into laziness or empty fruitless pursuits-that's when I feel most ashamed and depressed.
Still, lately I feel as though I'm walking down the wrong path, into a hole I can't turn back from. In this case, in an entirely different direction from my dreams, and all that I thought I was. Loyalty is a quality I prize-in other people and myself. Yet now, it seems my loyalty to a hospital and new employers and employees, I fear I'll never be able to leave them to pursue what I've always worked for and believed in. I'm so afraid of giving up my dream of returning to India, settling for something less out of loyalty to the world. I'm scared that if I keep traveling down this road, I won't turn back or move in the direction I want to. I will never live my dreams of working with you in the depths of emotional and spiritual loss, of opening my home to them, and returning to the country that has been on my heart almost half of my life: INDIA.
Praise the LORD that He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). So often I have wondered at where my decisions will lead me and what ministry God has in store next... and everywhere I've gone, I've found purpose in my life, a place and people to minister to and with. Praise Him that He will keep my path straight, bringing my feet back to the place they stand firm, moving forward before Him-my ultimate end. Praise Him that only in Him do I find my joy, and in so doing, give Him the ultimate glory. John Piper has said, "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him." Oh Lord, make me satisfied in You, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, that You would be most glorified in me! I'm so thankful for this promise: "And I am sure that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again" (Phil. 1:6). And so I will continue in the journey, fighting hard for the Truth I am convicted of daily, hoping and trusting in Him who will never leave, nor forsake us. Whether I have nothing, or plenty, whether I fade into the collage of medicine that consumes me every day, or move forward to minister to the needs of those God so often brings to mind; whether I remain in Spokane my whole life, return to Langley, or move half-way across the world to serve in the villages of India, I know my life is in His hands and for His Glory... and that is all I need to believe and know.
May You find peace in knowing His plans for you are good, and joy in knowing His grace will sustain you, His love dwell within and around you, and His power be ever perfect in your weakness.
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