Saturday, September 8, 2012

An old Poem: Surrender I Cannot


Surrender I Cannot [10-11-07]

My eyes are tired, aching
From the many tears I cry;
But You have promised
To wipe away every tear from my eye.

These tears I shed,
Come from a heart overwhelmed;
Overtaken by my state before You:
Powerless to change.

You have faith in me,
When I have none:
Neither in myself, nor You.
I fall among the hopeless.

But then the clouds break,
Your light and warmth dissolve
These walls I’ve built to keep You out,
To gain control I don’t even want.

I long to understand,
To be in command of my life.
But I cannot handle such responsibility,
I was never designed for that liability.

You created me, and all I have,
As an expression of LOVE.
Who am I to change Your masterpiece?
I am nothing but an expression of You!

That in itself gives me worth,
And a beauty I cannot contain.
But this glory is not mine to own,
It belongs to You Alone.

So surrender I cannot,
For I am too weak to kneel.
But fall I must and will,
In awe of Your constant mercies.

Words cannot tell of the times,
Countless, I have hid from You in shame.
But I stand before You now,
As one free of any blame.

By the Blood of Your Son,
A demonstration of LOVE surpassing all,
I am clothed in Your Righteousness,
Capable of one thing alone:

Being transformed by and in You,
Witnessing Your Marvelous work,
In, Around, and Beyond myself,
And responding as You make and move.

I am Yours--
The Work of Your hands.
My identity belongs to no one,
But You alone who shape it.

Only You have washed me,
So I dance with New Life!
I am filled with Your Word,
As You pour it into me.

Pour in Your Words of Life,
That I may overflow.
I then can do Nothing-
But speak TRUTH above and below.

Permeate my life LORD:
No Fear, no Burden, no Shame--
Beyond Your ability, outside Your Grace.
That Glory in me would Sound Your NAME.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Why does it have to hurt so much?

Over the past several years I have written numerous poems at different seasons, with very similar messages along these lines. Several of them relate to a joy or blessing received from Him, but most express the struggle of learning through fellowship in His sufferings. My intent is to post some of these poems in the coming weeks, but for now I want to share what He has been revealing to me over the past few years. I read recently about an individual who asked the question "Why does it have to hurt so much?" Before I get to the writers response to this question, I want to express the reason I have often asked this same question of our Almighty God.

It isn't that I have known the intense physical pain of a severe or chronic illness, nor that I have experienced a great deal of loss. In all honesty I have lived a very comfortable life. Sure, I have felt the sting of a goodbye I was not eager to say; this has made me long all the more for eternity, and I realize this longing is the very reason the sting cuts so deep. The most intense pain I think I've ever experienced though, is the burden for the suffering and sin in this world. Every day I am burdened by the weight of my own sin, and this week the sin and suffering of others I love or at least respect has been heavy on my heart.

In the past 10 years of my life, I have asked God several times to break my heart with what breaks His, and to help me see others through His eyes. If I had known then what I understand now, I'm not sure I would have ever asked Him. This burden is heavy, and I often don't lay it down as I should. However, what He has shown me through the hours of tears, time spent on my knees, and casting these cares on Him is that in this way, I can have fellowship in His Suffering. Does this mean I have fully understood His or anyone's suffering? By no means! I have not yet arrived, but at least in part I am starting to learn what it means to have fellowship in His suffering. Now, I can begin to understand the urgent need of our world for a Savior who rescues sinners.

Here is Elizabeth Elliot's response to that question "Why does it have to hurt so much?": "It hurts because it is suffering, real suffering. It would not be suffering if it did not hurt... None of us likes pain... Let's settle it once and for all: We cannot know Christ and the power of His resurrection without the fellowship of His suffering."

In no particular order, these all speak to the suffering we are called to endure as we walk in His steps: 1 Peter 2, Hebrews 2, Phil. 1:29 and 3:8-14, 2 Tim 2:3