He Didn't Say a Word

I wrote the following poem a few years ago while I was in University; over the past week I have been reminded of the humble, silent submission of our Lord Jesus. His example of submission to the Father's will I continually fall short of, but daily may I ask for His help to transform this selfish heart into the likeness of His.

"He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth." - Isaiah 53:7

He Didn’t Say a Word

My Jesus He did come,
To die for all our ill;
Speechless He did suffer,
Not by force but will.

He willingly humbled himself,
Becoming human; enduring our pain.
Rejected and despised,
Still He never defended His Good Name.

His punishment misunderstood,
Disgraced and Denied by His own;
His humility and suffering,
Not one could understand.

Why would any innocent man,
And the One to be the Messiah,
Willingly show weak submission
To a wicked and prideful people?

Yet He heeded not those who mocked Him,
Pleading instead, “Father, Forgive them.”
Though blinded, we crucified,
With eyes wide-open, He complied.

Oh to follow in His steps,
To abandon conceited complaint.
Could I ever silently submit,
To any suffering or pain?

I find myself protesting,
When any trial I beget.
Though I claim Him as my Lord,
His example I forget.

Now I ask thee Lord,
Please strengthen me in You,
To silently submit,
Any task You give to do.

An old Poem: Surrender I Cannot

Surrender I Cannot [10-11-07]

My eyes are tired, aching
From the many tears I cry;
But You have promised
To wipe away every tear from my eye.

These tears I shed,
Come from a heart overwhelmed;
Overtaken by my state before You:
Powerless to change.

You have faith in me,
When I have none:
Neither in myself, nor You.
I fall among the hopeless.

But then the clouds break,
Your light and warmth dissolve
These walls I’ve built to keep You out,
To gain control I don’t even want.

I long to understand,
To be in command of my life.
But I cannot handle such responsibility,
I was never designed for that liability.

You created me, and all I have,
As an expression of LOVE.
Who am I to change Your masterpiece?
I am nothing but an expression of You!

That in itself gives me worth,
And a beauty I cannot contain.
But this glory is not mine to own,
It belongs to You Alone.

So surrender I cannot,
For I am too weak to kneel.
But fall I must and will,
In awe of Your constant mercies.

Words cannot tell of the times,
Countless, I have hid from You in shame.
But I stand before You now,
As one free of any blame.

By the Blood of Your Son,
A demonstration of LOVE surpassing all,
I am clothed in Your Righteousness,
Capable of one thing alone:

Being transformed by and in You,
Witnessing Your Marvelous work,
In, Around, and Beyond myself,
And responding as You make and move.

I am Yours--
The Work of Your hands.
My identity belongs to no one,
But You alone who shape it.

Only You have washed me,
So I dance with New Life!
I am filled with Your Word,
As You pour it into me.

Pour in Your Words of Life,
That I may overflow.
I then can do Nothing-
But speak TRUTH above and below.

Permeate my life LORD:
No Fear, no Burden, no Shame--
Beyond Your ability, outside Your Grace.
That Glory in me would Sound Your NAME.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

Over the past several years I have written numerous poems at different seasons, with very similar messages along these lines. Several of them relate to a joy or blessing received from Him, but most express the struggle of learning through fellowship in His sufferings. My intent is to post some of these poems in the coming weeks, but for now I want to share what He has been revealing to me over the past few years. I read recently about an individual who asked the question "Why does it have to hurt so much?" Before I get to the writers response to this question, I want to express the reason I have often asked this same question of our Almighty God.

It isn't that I have known the intense physical pain of a severe or chronic illness, nor that I have experienced a great deal of loss. In all honesty I have lived a very comfortable life. Sure, I have felt the sting of a goodbye I was not eager to say; this has made me long all the more for eternity, and I realize this longing is the very reason the sting cuts so deep. The most intense pain I think I've ever experienced though, is the burden for the suffering and sin in this world. Every day I am burdened by the weight of my own sin, and this week the sin and suffering of others I love or at least respect has been heavy on my heart.

In the past 10 years of my life, I have asked God several times to break my heart with what breaks His, and to help me see others through His eyes. If I had known then what I understand now, I'm not sure I would have ever asked Him. This burden is heavy, and I often don't lay it down as I should. However, what He has shown me through the hours of tears, time spent on my knees, and casting these cares on Him is that in this way, I can have fellowship in His Suffering. Does this mean I have fully understood His or anyone's suffering? By no means! I have not yet arrived, but at least in part I am starting to learn what it means to have fellowship in His suffering. Now, I can begin to understand the urgent need of our world for a Savior who rescues sinners.

Here is Elizabeth Elliot's response to that question "Why does it have to hurt so much?": "It hurts because it is suffering, real suffering. It would not be suffering if it did not hurt... None of us likes pain... Let's settle it once and for all: We cannot know Christ and the power of His resurrection without the fellowship of His suffering."

In no particular order, these all speak to the suffering we are called to endure as we walk in His steps: 1 Peter 2, Hebrews 2, Phil. 1:29 and 3:8-14, 2 Tim 2:3

An Aroma

This past week I have been so encouraged by God's gifts of grace; in particular, the way He uses us despite and even through our great weaknesses.

I find myself easily discouraged by the obstacles there are to sharing our faith in the workplace. Even after being trained at a Christian University, I have constantly wrestled with my greatest longing to share the hope of Christ with the hopeless I see every day. Reading through the book of Acts several times this past week, I have been challenged by the boldness of these early disciples to share their testimonies in the face of great oppression and danger. How can I be more bold for Christ without risking my job and losing one of the greatest opportunities for ministry?

During our middle school youth meetings we have been sharing the weekly prayer calendar from Voice of the Martyrs; we invite the youth to join us in prayers for these persecuted nations. Weekly I am astounded by the faith of the young and old in places where Christians are killed daily for accepting Christ or trying to share the Gospel. This weekend I had the privilege of going to a VOM conference and hearing the testimonies of God's work in those persecuted nations. He is alive and active around the world in miraculous ways! One of the greatest lessons from these testimonies was the mercy of the persecuted toward their persecutors; they still longed for their enemies to know Christ, and they forgave them without question! What or who can I possibly complain about in light of the persecuted church?

One of the speakers talked about the reality and inevitability of the threat to our freedom here in the US. Will we be ready when the day comes that we can no longer freely worship in public settings? Shouldn't the fact that our time is running out motivate us to share the Truth while we still can? Shouldn't it also draw us to our knees in thanksgiving for our freedom and prayer for the courage to use it?

This morning we had a guest pastor at church who shared pieces of his own experiences in some of these persecuted nations. He reminded us of the Truth of 2 Cor 2:15-16, that we are the Aroma of Christ wherever we are! I have been reminded of this fact as I have marveled at the ways God has opened doors for me to touch other people's lives; just this week a young student encouraged me that she wants to be like me in the way I love people-during a week where I have failed miserably at patience and grace in loving others. Every day I have this opportunity, no matter where I am or what I'm doing to be that sweet Aroma and carry the Victory of Christ. What a privilege and a joy-so undeserved!!

Why I Love My Job

I had the most amazing patient this past weekend at the hospital. She had spunk, a genuine loving spirit, and we shared a common bond in The family of God. This woman is in her late 70s, fighting cancer, and was recently informed she probably has 3 weeks left to live. I did not want to leave her side!

She reminded me of my grandma in many ways. We shared about our love for our church family and the hope we have in Christ. I told her how my grandma almost passed away two years ago, and that God has a way of bringing us home at just the right time. This woman called me a blessing because of our shared hope, but what I learned from her will stick with me far longer.

I was in awe of her joy, peace and love in the midst of the pain and inevitable days she faced ahead. The fact that she would take the time to hear about my life and what God has been doing was a gift for me... And for once to have the time to share it. This is the one advantage to working nights; occasionally it is quiet enough for quality conversation. I can't get her out of my head! As I said goodbye to her, she asked me to pray for her-showing vulnerability for the first time. I wish I had stopped right there to pray for her... Instead I hurried on my way to meet the next patient, Saying "I will pray" as I left. Do you ever forget to pray when you said you would? I try very hard not to, but I too often fall short.

Lord God Almighty, my prayer for Jan is that you would strengthen her in your grace, love and power as she faces new trials and temptations. Bring other believers into her life to love her and encourage her-giving her what I didn't take the time to. Above all draw her deeper into peaceful rest with you, longing for heaven that nothing on Earth would keep her from reaching, and grant her Your hope and peace to make the transition to her home with You. Let her life continue to be a blessing to others, and thank You so much for bringing us into each other's life at this time.

Happy Belated Bday Grams!!

My Grandma (March 4, 2012)

In life and death, she taught me:
How to endure suffering with Joy,
Perseverance, Love and Grace to Cope.
Always Giving Thanks in Song.
Holding fast to the Precious Hope.

In every memory:
She taught me to love His Word;
As we read the Psalms together;
As we prayed for one another.
Always, always using the Sword.

Writing Poetry in every season,
Never short of inspiration.
Together we wrote so many rhymes,
And shared our own a dozen times.

Did I forget to mention Music?
Her gifts to me will always be,
Remembered with sweet harmony.
For this she taught me every day,
To sing songs of Joy in every way.

I remember:
Trying on so many hats,
Playing with all her cats.
Listening to her ‘skookie-stories.’
And Phase 10 was always fun,
But I’ll never forget the songs Sung,
While Planting flowers in the Sun:

The LORD is my Shepherd, In a Perfect Round.
Harmonies sung to I Love You Lord;
And then there was “Rock O’ My Soul”
So many Truths with Sweet Songs Resound!

I’ll never forget her love for life,
Her family and friends, in Joy and Strife.
But most of all, right from the start,
She taught me in everything,
To Love the LORD with all your Heart.

So my prayer this day will be,
Knowing she is at rest with Thee:
To live a life that echoes her own,
In Love, Joy, and Mercy Shown.

Since Christ Is All: Katie's Story

Since Christ Is All: Katie's Story

Prayers for my Indian Family this Christmas

Today my heart is aching for the family I spent this Christmas season with a year ago. I just learned of some difficult news that calls me to pray and ask you to join me in petitions for this family and for one child especially.

Debbie is preparing to move again to another part of India, as our Father is leading her to work with another population in Eastern India. She has been working to get the legal paperwork and meeting with each child's family so she can move her foster children with her. The two boys of concern-Tarun and Shubbam, will be going with her-with, sadly, little concern from their parents. Debbie has a lawyer helping her with paperwork for adopting the newest member of the family-Joshua, who joined us last spring. All these are answers to prayer, allowing her to continue to invest in these children as she takes them with her. Praise be to Him who has moved in her to allow her to take this step and bring these children with her. However, the one of greatest concern on my heart has been Mariam.

She is the sweet girl, age 11, who nearly died two years ago. Each time she goes home for a few days, or even a couple days, to spend time with her family, she has often come back sick or down in weight. Her family just doesn't know how to care for her best, and Debbie has done so much for her. The family is Hindu, and they have decided to keep Mariam. The first time I went to India, Deb was just trying to gain the family's permission to take care of Mariam in her home; after weeks of meetings and struggling with the family, the father finally agreed to let Deb have Mariam on the following conditions: they would still get to see her, Deb wouldn't make her a Christian, and Deb wouldn't take her out of India.

I ask that you would pray for this family, and especially little Mariam. Pray for Deb to have courage and faith to continue toward what God has called her, and entrust this precious one to His care. Pray that Mariam's family would have a change of heart, come to know Christ, and perhaps even realize that they aren't able to give Mariam what she needs. Pray that the relationship started with this family would not be lost, and that by His grace and power all of this would be for His glory!

Thank you for joining me in thanksgiving and prayers for His work here and around the world. What Joy we have in Him who gives us faith to Believe in His past and present work, and to know that He "is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us" (Ephesians 4:20).

Merry Christmas to you all!

Lest We Forget... to Remember

"Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24

One year ago today I was on a plane to India for an adventure that has changed my life forever and drawn me deeper in communion with my blessed Savior! Sometimes I look back and long deeply to visit those days of quiet rest in the sun, see the smiles and hear the laughter of those beautiful children, and just delight in the blending of language, music and culture that encompassed those several months. Other times I look back further, to the blessings of friendships in other chapters, and I long for them similarly. Having the joy and challenge of working in middle school ministry with my church and playing nurse at a high school every day, I have found myself reflecting more on those days 10+ years ago. At the end of reflecting, I am reminded that I would not be who I am or where I am today had God not faithfully brought me through every blessing, giving and taking away according to the riches of His grace.

All this to say I am learning to look back with Thanksgiving and Joy instead of longing, and recognize that His Faithfulness needs to be remembered daily. After reading through Judges recently, seeing the pattern of wandering and how many times God's people forgot Him and the consequence, I have been humbled that I so easily follow in their footsteps. He is able to do abundantly more than all we could ever ask; this I know because He already has, and His promises never fail! I do eagerly await what He has in store around the next corner, but even more the glorious hope of Heaven.

I received news from India this past week that lifted my soul with great joy! My roommate and dear friend in the community, Lakshmi, was baptized this past week!! She has also committed to the work for at least 2 more years-even if a move far from her family is involved. This is a huge blessing for those of you who followed me closely in the journey, knowing that she nearly left the project last Christmas. Glory to God indeed for the work He has done in her life and all He is doing in this nation! Whether or not returning to or living in India is in my future, I will always rejoice at the work He is doing in that place and in the lives of my beloved family there. I invite you to continue to pray for this nation of devastating corruption and poverty with potential for Indescribable Beauty!

Until next time, I would ask for your prayers for His continued counsel and guidance. Since living in India I have been praying about returning to school and what He would have me pursue-nursing or ministry. I am pretty convinced He is leading me to start Bible school! I don't know when at this time, but most likely it will be here in Spokane to start out. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but until now I never had peace about going and He always lead me elsewhere. In the meantime, for the first time in 3-4 years I can truly say that I believe with all my heart and mind that I am in the center of His will for me right now-and that is a Blessed thing indeed! Thank you to all of you who have faithfully pursued me with His love and covered me in prayers-past, present and future.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23

Humility

It has been a while since I shared what HE is doing in my life, and tonight, I just felt the need to share. I know I should be writing a tribute to those who lost loved ones in 9/11, or somehow remember that day, but this is where my heart really is. Perhaps there is something here, which by His grace, can bring encouragement to someone who has dealt with a devastating event as those affected closely by the terrorist attacks 10 years ago. I suppose I titled this Humility because at this moment I felt humbled to share this, and HE has been teaching me this lesson in a variety of new means and places. I am so very blessed by God's grace, and how He has answered my prayers in ways I never expected.

I have found myself fighting discouragement and anxiety, all rooted in one sin: selfishness. Five months ago, the circumstances in life that now bring me down and build walls to keep me from Him, would not have fazed me. Five months ago, I had learned how to Trust Him in a way I never thought I could, and I loved Him so much more for it. I think because I saw people with so much more to worry about, I learned to Love India like He did, and in that all fear and uncertainty, and my own battle for control, seemed futile. I fell in Love with Christ in a whole new way in India; now, I find myself back in a world of lusts and battles that seemed so foreign there.

Where is the faith and peace I had in India? Where is the sure hope and secure Faith I learned to live by that brought me Joy and freedom? Now that things seem easier, the battle against sin gets thicker. Or is it that I just see it more clearly or differently now?

The more I see myself, my weaknesses, my sinfulness, the more I see myself as I would be apart from Christ and His Righteousness covering me, the more I come to appreciate the little blessings He brings my way. It can be a simple note from a close friend, a kind word from a complete stranger, or reconnecting with an old loved one I thought I might never see again. These little signs of His unconditional love seem to come at the time I deserve them the least. In the past few months, these blessings have come refreshing and full as a waterfall!

For example, this week at the hospital I had the incredible privilege of admitting a patient who had suffered a great loss. Just a very short while ago, she had lost her mom unexpectedly. This individual was only a few years older than me, preparing for her mom's funeral, and midnight the day of the funeral, she gets admitted to the hospital with a virus she had already battled a year ago. Yet this woman handled the situation with the most joy and peace of anyone I have ever seen. I walked in the room, and her smile lit it up! Wasn't it my job as the nurse to brighten my patient’s day, as they struggle with pain and loss in a dark hospital room? This weekend, I was served by the joy of a complete stranger, who handled trials in life with such joy and perseverance that humbled me. Here I was thinking, if I can just make it through this one more night for this week, and if I can just Trust Him with one more patient to serve tonight... and He gave me the greatest blessing!

Someone told me today, "[you] are a special lady," and I couldn't respond. I didn't know whether to thank her, or tell her how mistaken she must be! Instead I just smiled awkwardly and tried to hide. I felt encouraged, and yet I felt humbled. In that moment I felt so exposed, thinking, if you only knew what I really am. I know it is only by His grace that I can come across as significant or special when in my heart of hearts I am the worst sinner this world has known! LORD, give me the courage to speak, next time I hear a word of encouragement, to turn the Glory and Praise to You; for truly I am nothing apart from You!

I did not deserve to go to India, but He took me there in His presence. I do not deserve the life of Grace and Love He is giving me here on earth, but yet He still chooses to reveal Himself to me every day of my life. Praise and GLORY indeed to Him who is able to keep [us] from stumbling, and [He] WILL bring [us] into His presence innocent of sin (Jude 1:24-25, my paraphrase/emphasis)... and with great Joy!

Darkness to Light...

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God... to stand firm" (Ephesians 6:12-13, NASB).

Returning to Spokane has lifted a burden of oppression I had not known before the past six months. I had heard that spiritual warfare seems stronger and more recognized in overseas work, but I had no idea what that looked like a year ago. As long as the prince of this world remains active in his attacks, until Jesus does come again, we must follow the instruction of putting on the Armor wherever we go in all we do. I want to share with you how He preserved me in the front of the battlefield, and how we can be praying for those brothers and sisters on duty (Romans 15:30-33).

In the first month of my time in India, I found myself in a battle for Faith against temptation to get on a plane to run away to home. It was more than I could handle alone; thankfully, I had Our Father on my side, and many of you praying fervently on my behalf. I was miserably homesick, and felt completely backed into a corner at times because of language, culture, living conditions, overwhelming poverty, lack of experience and much more. It was a daily battle to live Believing and Surrendering to the One who works all things together for Good (Romans 8:28). Our God is always at Work far beyond what we can see, and even in this He was teaching me, changing me and touching those around me. I was so blessed to be used despite of my great weaknesses, and to see His hand in every detail of the past year.

Many of you probably know India is about 80% Hindu, and less than 3% Christian. The idolatry you see every day, and the devastating results of cultural beliefs of caste and lifestyle break my heart. Even some of the staff I worked with claim to be Cs, but in fact, they still worship their own false gods. In my last week there, events took place that made their pluaralism all the more obvious. While it came a bit of a shock to me, I was more prepared to fight to the finish, seeing all the more ways I can continue to pray for His work in this nation I love and the great need for His laborers.

I challenge you all to fight for faith daily here on the home front, never ceasing to pray for those on the front-lines of battle, and should He call you to go to the front lines, please remember these words from a faithful Servant of His that loved India better than I have yet:
"We follow a stripped and crucified Savior... Dear, you are coming to a battlefield. You cannot spend too much time with Him alone." As quoted in Elizabeths Elliot's account of Amy Carmichael's life in A Chance to Die.
Secondly, if you have not already, I urge you to meditate and memorize the following verse, and any others that have encouraged you, for you will need them on the battlefield wherever you are:
"‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty." Zech 4:6b

To whom much is given...

From the first week to my final days in India I was aware of the numerous comforts I have taken for granted. Most of these would be considered necessities to the majority of us in North America, while in poorer parts of India they might be viewed as comforts perhaps occasionally to be enjoyed and always gratefully received.

All the numbers of things I have taken and easily will take for granted again:
-Water: having it at all, warm or hot water, clean water, drinking water.
-Electricity, light, warmth, shelter, safety and security.
-Health, nutrition, balanced diet options, food! Meat, cheese, fresh vegetables and fruit!
-Family, friends, a home church, fellowship, others to edify, encourage, and disciple me throughout my life. A Christian Community, family, school, and circle of friends. The ability to call up a friend when I am having a bad day or a good one!

The last one listed above probably was the hardest for me to learn to live without at times when phone service or internet were unavailable. Those who know me well know how I hold on to people, and I have a very difficult time letting them go when a season for friendship ends or circumstances direct us apart. "To whom much is given, much is required." These words echoed in my mind day after day as I poured out my heart to God and sought His fellowship all the more. I was blessed to learn to depend on God for fellowship as I never had before, and to eventually form some friendships with those around me.

What He removed or withheld from me in those six months cannot compare with what countless go without in this world; yet, because of what I have grown to live with, I had to learn to live without. At times I felt so overwhelmed by the needs around me-some only seen from a distance, others voiced out loud or in mute gestures-that I felt I could not carry the weight. Once again, I learned to rely on Him as never before and lift each one my eyes fell on up to Him. There are a number of people living in India who do not have the luxury of any of the items listed above, and I was only without some of these for brief hours or days at a time in the past six months. I hope I will never stop being thankful for all I have been given, every minute of every day I have to walk in fellowship with my Lord and Maker, and every gift He gives for every season. May He continue to create in me a willing heart to surrender every gift He gives and to learn to share it with the very "least of these."

Reckless Abandon Wrapped in Common Sense

Seeing the news this morning about the 200+ lives lost and millions affected by the tornadoes in the Southern US (http://abcnews.go.com/US/tornadoes-210-killed-south-including-131-alabama/story?id=13474955), reminded me of the daily struggle we face living in the end times where we must be ready every day of our lives, and yet we are to live each day just taking one at time. I have always struggled to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow, and when disasters like this take place I find it even more difficult to stay in my comfort zone at home instead of being at the front lines of battle. At the same time, I am terrified of those front lines.

As a child I used to say my greatest fear was dying without the people I know and love understanding and believing that I love them, and most of all how Jesus Christ loved them. This greatly impacted the way I interacted with people and formed friendships. Somehow, as I became aware of the terrors of this world and its sufferings, and as I faced opposition and temptation at different seasons of my life, I lost that passion and urgency; fear of worldly circumstances and unknowns slowed me down you could say. Common sense ways of protecting myself began to quiet the urgency I once had.

It seems ironic now when I think about it, that the same natural disasters and growing risk of the world we live in that make me shy away from standing up in Faith and going out in a threatening world, is the same reason why I have this urgency to reach those who have not heard the Gospel. Even so, I know there are practical ways that I need to pursue the equipping of my mind, heart and body for His service wherever He leads me. We can't just run full speed ahead into the thick of the battle without proper training and the Armor of God.

There is a constant tension between the urgency I feel for the lost, especially the broken ones in crisis in India, and the need to rest quietly in His presence and seek training for His future plans for me. Even Jesus Christ took days of quiet away from everyone, by Himself, to pray to the Father, seek His counsel, and waited until the last few years of His life to make His most defining moments of ministry. That doesn't mean that every moment of His life on Earth didn't have meaning or purpose; from the miracle of His birth to His death on the cross the world was against Him, and yet the Power of His victory on the cross and His Resurrection as we just celebrated put His enemies to shame and ours too!

Amy Carmichael cautioned anyone that would come to India, "... you cannot spend too much time with Him alone." She also said this in her famous book "If" -
"If I crave hungrily to be used to show

the way of liberty to a soul in bondage;

instead of caring only that it be delivered;

if I nurse my disappointment when I fail,

instead of asking that to another the word of release may be given,

then I know nothing of Calvary love." - Amy Carmichael, "If"

Processing...

Six months of lessons, challenges, obstacles overcome, fears defeated, victories won...
How does one summarize it or begin to process it all? I think I shall spend the rest of my life on Earth and quite possibly all eternity with Him in Glory enjoying the "light-bulb" moments of His ways far beyond our own. Despite my weakness in Faith, He blessed me in tremendous ways with more of Himself, revealing His purpose for me and for those I lived alongside in my presence there; though most was not what I had planned or expected, all of it was from His hands and for His glory!

As people start asking me, "well how was it?" I feel I could burst! Not one word or even one sentence can sum up the lessons learned, the heart-breaking sights and stories, or His jealous love for India. My hope and prayer is that the needs of those I left behind will continue to be met by His sustaining hand, as He sends more workers into the field and raises awareness of the needs there and the way we can all participate in helping. There is so much need! The sights, sounds, smells, experiences and emotions that overwhelmed me at first, have became a constant echo in my memory; my hope is to be able to share enough of that with you, and the story of each life touched by those serving Him there, that you will not be able to forget these children and this nation in your prayers.

One of my new favorite songs by Casting Crowns has been especially encouraging as I reflect: "Your love is peace to the broken, faith for the widow, hope for the orphan, strength for the weak. Your love is the anthem of Nations, Rings out through the ages, and Your always enough for me... In a dry and weary land, LORD You are the Rain." Pray with me for the "Rain" to fall from His hand on the nations, that His Truth would stand, and that a nation full of pluralism would learn to Love and serve the One True God.

Arriving Home....

Just made it home last night! There is so much to share from just the past week and month, let alone more from the past 6 months. I am not making any promises, but I am going to do my best to post 1-2 times/week to process the past few months and share His work with you all-His gifts and blessings are made to be shared, to the Praise of His Glory! It is such a blessing just to have the freedom to write, e-mail and talk to people in person about the Work He is doing, without fear for myself or those I love.

There are some huge prayer needs for those I left behind, so for now I will ask you to pray as He leads you for peace, safety, health, protection from the enemy who is the prince of this world, and wisdom, strength, and grace to speak the Truth in Love (for me as I share with people here, and for those still in His service there). The staff involved in the intervention program are in need of all our prayers for their eyes to be opened and their lives turned around.

Of course, I need prayers for wisdom and direction of next steps in applying for jobs, school courses, and preparation for future service wherever He leads, strength as I transition to the many differences of life here, Him to keep the people I left behind in my thoughts and prayers while still leaving them safely in His hands, and peace, faith, hope and love in all these things.

My prayer as I share more with people who know me and those who don't, is that their eyes would be opened to the great need for us to be mindful of people around the world who are in need: to hear His Word, have His healing, His provision, and know they are loved beyond measure. I believe with all my heart that this is His position toward India, for that is the only way I could love its people as I do: "Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Therefore beseech the LORD of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.'" - Matt 9:36-38

So Long for Now...

I am heading back to the community this evening for my final 4 weeks here. Sorry I have not been able to post more details, but we had internet down here for two days, and now I am on my way out! If you don't hear from me until I leave the weekend before I return-April 17th, please don't be alarmed, just keep lifting us up. I don't know if the internet will be fixed in the home before I leave, but I should have quick access in Delhi to let you know I am on my way... In the meantime...

Now that my time left is fast approaching-with just one month remaining!- I am struck so often with the struggle of finishing my time here well and persevering in what matters most. I don’t want to think of leaving this place, and yet my longing to return home keeps me eagerly looking forward to April. Sometimes I just want to get the goodbyes over with-especially since I just went through it 4 months ago! As Deb and I were talking one morning, she reminded me that it is not goodbye, it is just “see you later!” Even so, it will be difficult to say so long for now, not knowing when later will come. Oh how my heart aches for eternity when there will be no more tears from these dreaded farewells-for never again will I have to say goodbye!

I have learned so many things I would love to apply in pursuing further experience and education so that I can be better equipped in the future. From my first few weeks here I have gone from feeling completely unprepared, overwhelmed, in over my head, to now the difficulty of leaving a place where I have been so blessed and strengthened. He has taught me so much about myself, and above all my walk with Him in each day. I trust Him to provide just the right job and even to guide me in pursuit of education, but I want to ask for you all to be joining me in pr, that I would see clearly His guidance and always seek His understanding above my own. I hate to leave this place not knowing when I’ll return, but then we never really know what each day will have in store do we? Even when we make our plans, He sets our paths straight.

So I guess what I would request is that you ask Him to help me see what is His purpose in each day I have left here, and that He would prepare me to pursue the next steps-opening and closing doors as He has in the past year. Along with this is the need for trusting Him with the people I am leaving behind, and that He would provide someone else to come alongside them to help and fill in. There is so much need here. For the past few years I have heard about Amy C, but never actually picked up and finished one of her books or one about her-now I have almost finished two and I am wondering what took me so long! My thoughts over the past several years have echoed some of hers, and while I cannot pretend to have the same courage or gifts she possessed, I ask Him to change my selfish and prideful heart to be more like the one He put in Amy-for whatever purpose He wills. In the meantime, her questions, pleas and testimony have been an encouragement and a challenge in the times I have felt so alone here.

In all things, I know He has and will be my supply. As I prepare to make the journey home there are so many things I want to say, most of which I look forward to sharing with many of you in person, but for now I rest in the fact that He will lead each one of us home. Please do ask Him to be my peace as I return, and that the long journey home would be a time to reflect and thank Him, sharing the time with Him, trusting Him to lead me home safely.

Loving you all and looking forward to sharing more with you soon... So long for NOW!

When Words Fail...

Romans 12:1 has been the passage for the last two messages I have heard from JP with not only a challenging reminder, but also an encouraging one. Titled “Present Your Bodies…” it reminded me that talk is cheap, and what we demonstrate in our behaviors is most telling. What an encouragement this gave when so often I have felt so lost for words because of the language barrier! The few phrases I know in Hindi just cannot communicate the depth of love and truth I want to share, but praise to Him who can and is able to use even me in my weakness. Let me not get in the way in my unbelief and selfishness!

Another example of how understanding language has been both a barrier and a blessing came a few weeks back. It was just after I had e-mailed you all with my frustration to understand His purpose and struggling to feel at home here. I returned to the community and one of the staff who just moved in after I arrived-Richa, the house-keeper and cook here- was feeling a little overwhelmed. She was expressing to me how she wanted to tell me, but could not because of the language. Richa cannot write or read Hindi or English, and speaks about as much English as I do Hindi, and yet she is the person I have connected with the most here in the community. She has been through so much for someone so young, and I can see she has a tender heart.

She used a word- “bogue” – which I had not heard before and could not find in my small dictionary. A few days later she was again trying to express herself, and another staff member looked up this word for us in a bigger Hindi-English dictionary that translated it as “over-worked.” What I was able to understand is that it was more than just being over-worked and stressed that she was feeling, but feeling the heavy weight of frustration with too much expectation from certain people. Oh how I could relate to this feeling in that moment and understand what she was struggling with.

In her broken English she proceeded to explain to me why and how she felt this “bogue,” and her tears were so refreshing after the countless times I had tried to express the reason for my tears. It seemed that since I had been able to express my frustration and tears to her in the past, she was able to openly share with me. By His grace, I was able to be the listener she needed, and then to pr over her for the weight to be lifted, and for His easy yoke to be placed on her, that He would strengthen her for the work she has. She expressed to me the next day that she was doing much better and we both praised Him together for helping us face each new day! What a gift this was and I hope is just one more seed planted in her heart.

It has been such a gift for us to have each other and be not only an encouragement to one another but also an example of relationships crossing the boundaries of language and culture. I am just amazed at how He is at work in this friendship and am asking He will continue the work long after I leave this place. Please do keep her in your thoughts as you lift us up.

Good News!

Other news:

-Finally the Generator is connected and working-see picture! It was used so much one week with the colder weather still hanging on and no power, it even ran out of kerosene already-which meant a few days without it because of how long it takes just to get gas or kerosene when we finish it. So thankful to have it!
-The boys are in the middle of exams-means a lot more time spent helping them study in preparation and lots of pr for them to focus and apply all they are learning
-In this last month:
• I am currently in my last full week now here at the hospital-saying goodbyes and making every minute count, taking opportunity to step in wherever I can
• Teaching with families and staff-making posters for the staff to use. I need a lot of wisdom regarding what and how to present the most important information without it being an overload. Most of it will just be tools the staff can use after I am gone, but still I just need wisdom for how to make these tools appropriate for the level of education of these families and their capabilities considering their poverty and limited resources.
• Deb is traveling to train staff in another state-gone for a week, so pr for protection for those of us staying back at the house. Final travels home-my flight leaves April 18th!
• One of the boys who comes to the intervention program during the week who lost so much weight in the winter, Sunny, has been coming more consistently (at least 1-2 times a week!)-Praise! As a result I have been able to start him on a vitamin and protein supplement that can help him gain weight lost and fight infection-he is significantly under weight and comes from a very poor community where poor hygiene and living conditions combine to spread infection and malnutrition. Pr for him and his family, for his body to respond to the vitamins, and for him to continue to come to the school program here regularly enough to get these vitamins and recover well.
• The boys in the home are progressing slowly with piano lessons, and I believe the discipline they are learning in practicing piano and the connections music makes in the brain can and will help these boys with their studies and to develop behaviors that can help them grow to live for Him. The other children in the home light up when any of us are playing the piano; I hope music can continue to bless this home and provide another way for Him to be lifted up in each of these lives.
• I have seen signs of improvement with these kids since starting them on vitamins (those in the home and coming each week to the day program), but of course continue to pr for the families and staff to be able to take over and watch for signs of problems. Ask Him to help the staff and families remember to keep the kids on these and apply the little teaching I have given. Above all, pr that the seeds planted through songs, verses, stories and devotion times with the kids would continue to grow.

The newest addition to the family moved in last week and has settled in remarkably well! PRAISE! Just pr for continued adjusting and especially discerning any health issues and assessment needs. He is a sweetheart and has been through so much at just 5 years!

At Last!!

Finally! Once again I am learning how to put my trust in Him and not my own plans or schedule. Every day holds a new surprise and carries with it the lesson of leaning not on my own understanding, but seeking Him and His purpose for each day. I was once so comfortable with my busy schedule and list of things to do each day-knowing it would never be finished in one day. Usually I am a foolish procrastinator, but where there is less opportunity for distraction here in the usual ways, I am learning to take advantage of those opportunities to dive into the Word and reading books I have never gotten around to. I am learning so much!

Due to the delay, I will first update you with the most recent happenings, and hopefully later this week post some reflections of events in the past few weeks worth sharing. This past week, the open house finally took place to celebrate His provision with family, friends, and community. Before this though, Lakshmi (my roommate) and Debbie arrived safely back home with our new addition-Joshua. He is more autistic than we had originally been informed, but is adjusting surprisingly well. The children in the home are also adjusting better than expected. It is going to be difficult to get him to take vitamins or other medication to help with some of the bowel, skin and behavior problems he has, not to mention food he needs for both. We are hoping once he adjusts and settles in we can find something for him that he likes. In the meantime keep praying for his transition and progress in the home, and for all of us to adjust.

I have no new requests, but to ask you to continue to lift us up to Him. There are days where I can sense physically that you are lifting me up to Him, and I am so thankful to have you here with me. I have been so blessed in the past weeks by the encouragement of those around me, and witnessing ways in which once again He was and is at work despite my great weakness. It is bitter-sweet to be in the final stretch of my time here, eager to return to all of you and share in person what a gift He has given me here, and my heart for what I hope is in the future. At the same time, I want to take advantage of every day I have left here and know it is going to be very hard to stay away long enough to finish the preparation I believe He is asking me to do from home. He still has much to teach me and change in me before I am able to dive in fully here-in His will and time. I don’t want to forget what He has taught me or change my mind about the direction He is taking me from here, and yet still to trust Him in every step that He has me right where He wants me and is using me.

Specific details to come, I hope some pictures, and sweet stories of His Power perfected in weakness.

Never say Never...

I received an e-mail this week from a dear friend who was commenting on how each of us had all said at different times things we could never see ourselves doing, and now all three of us have done exactly those things. I said I'd never come back here alone, and while I understand very clearly and am so thankful I am never truly alone, here I am half-way around the world from home as independent as I have ever been. Yet again I have to correct myself, because I have never been more dependent on Him.

The reason I bring this up is not only because of the recent e-mail, but because I was just promising you all updates over the coming week... and of course in this country's fashion, plans change and I am leaving here tomorrow for the home in the community once again. I will be back next week, hopefully finally able to post regularly and get some pictures up.

Along the theme of Never say never-especially to the One who is King of making the impossible nevers into probable possibilities- I also thought I'd never find myself in ER or ICU other than as a patient or visiting a friend or family member, but this past week I have been in both and seen more than I ever expected. Once again, that is our Mighty Father for us! He is just full of surprises and I am so thankful that I can depend on Him. I was reading in 1 Corinthians this morning, chapter 15, and found these words from Paul in vs 10 so relevant:"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." The first part of this is so true and so relevant, and my hope and pr for my life is that the second would be proved true... I have seen it in part already, but I believe there is more to come. I just know I could not have come here or be doing what I am now if it were not for this Truth! Praise Be to Him Indeed!

As I leave here again, ask for Him to make me useful in this time of need in the home, that Lakshmi would be able to attend her training, Deb go and smoothly bring back our new 5 yr-old boy at last, (both of them by a last-minute train still waitlisted) and me be able to come here for at least part of next week, and all of us return safely to the house, children and staff in tact! I am sure you can read between the lines here and I trust Him to lead you in your petitions on our behalf. He is certainly encouraging me with little ways I see Him at work in my heart and beyond my abilities to reach out to the people here in such great need. What a wonder it is to be kept in Him and by Him and above all else for Him!